The Importance of Talking to Kids

One of the things I'll always remember from my time as principal of a socio-economically depressed school, was how many of the kindergarteners arrived lacking language.  Our ESL (English as a Second Language) students were much more fluent, and had more language and language skills, than our EO (English Only) students.

It was as if the EO's were hearing language for the first time when they arrived at school.

How could that be, you ask?

Well, how is language acquired?

In these formative years, mostly though conversation.

So, it stands to reason, our EO's were engaged in conversation at a much lower rate than other kids.

Even if they had been raised in front of the TV, if they watched Sesame Street every now and then, they would have acquired some language.

And yet, they were beginning this academic marathon, already miles behind.

It was a common site around campus to see many of the moms walking their kids to school, which was great, but instead of chatting with their children, they were engrossed in cell phone conversations.  So, they were talking, just not to their kids.

Of course, I'm painting with a broad brush, which I should not do, but this description could accurately describe over 90% of the EO kids.

Why is this gap so wide when we look at affluent students versus poor students?

I suppose part of the issue is, many poor parents are busy about the business of providing for their families, and thus are away from home a lot more, and are maybe too tired to engage their kids when they get home.

But that description did not hold true for the parents at this school.  Most of them did not work because having a job would have interfered with their welfare stipend. (That, I might add, is a serious flaw in the system.  Every able-bodied person should be required to work for any government support.).

So these folks had the time to invest in their kids, but for the most part, chose not to.  Or maybe they just didn't understand the help they would be providing their kids simply by engaging them in conversation.

Anyway, reading this article linked below, took me back to that school and that neighborhood, where my desire to make a difference was far greater than any tangible success.

It takes more than hard work to make a positive impact on academic achievement because if it was just hard work, many of our failing schools would be successful.

No, it takes more.  Much, much more.

I think it takes a shift in mindset.  The kids have to come to school appreciating and valuing education, and that is learned at home.  Whether parents can help their kids with schoolwork or not, is irrelevant.  What matters most are the parents teaching their kids the importance of education.  Until that happens, we'll only see random, isolated success stories in schools serving the poor.

In education, we talk a lot about collaboration, but the most important collaboration is between home and school, with everyone working on the same page, focused on the same goal.

Some would say I'm blaming the parents for the failure of schools.  I disagree.  I'm simply saying parents can no longer passively stand by while educators pull out every trick in the book to teach their kids.  All of us, the school, the parents, and the kids, have to have a vested interest in a positive academic outcome.   When this happens, the tide will turn and the chances of finding successful schools serving poor students will be the norm, rather than the exception.

Until then, we'll keep plowing along, hoping for the best.


http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/09/children_s_language_development_talk_and_listen_to_them_from_birth.single.html

Great TED Talk

The presenter is Freeman Hrabowski and he is the president of University of Maryland, Baltimore County.  He explains his university's outreach to increase minority students in the areas of math and science.  What they discovered is that their four-point focus helps not just minority students, but all students, and the results prove it.  They have one of the highest graduation rates in the US of students with degrees in math and science.

It is easy to get discouraged by the progress, or lack thereof, in education today. This message was a shot in the arm, a boost to continue to find ways to help all kids succeed.

It's worth watching.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/15/opinion/hrabowski-minority-scientists/index.html?hpt=op_bn2

Obamacare Simplied

I got it.

Here's hoping this clip will help you, too, understand Obamacare, and the differences you can expect when it rolls out.

https://www.upworthy.com/the-simplest-explanation-of-obamacare-ever

Really, what has all the fuss been about?

Dubai

This quick video (less than two minutes) highlights the extremes in Dubai.

Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRHCTKOGDnA&list=UUKWNmkPKEKcKWyMskssytGg

Overcoming Obstacles

This article is a reminder that these esteemed folks dealt with some serious obstacles before they achieved success.

How many powerful folks of the next generation are waiting to debut their talents?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/successful-people-obstacles_n_3964459.html

Battered Men

Several days ago, I posted a link about battered women and the ripple effects of this on the greater society.  But my family knows first hand, that abuse against men is just as real.

This article is an example.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/24/when-men-are-battered/

The Land of Geniuses

The MacArthur "Genius" Grants were announced today.  It is an incredible group of folks from a wide range of disciplines.

Check out the links below.

The first one gives information about the grants.  The second list the honorees. Please note the ladies. Many are rocking the hard sciences.

http://www.macfound.org/fellows-faq/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/macarthur-fellows-2013_n_3977420.html

The Afro Comb Exhibit

I stumbled upon this article today about an exhibit featuring afro combs at Cambridge University.

Fascinating history!

Check it out below.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/23/cambridge-university-hosts-major-exhibition-devoted-to-afro-combs/#s:black-fist-comb

Nudged into Change

I think it's safe to say, most of us like our routines, doing the same things, the same way, every day.  But, we also recognize that change is inevitable.  Even when it's planned and we know it's coming, change can bring with it plenty of anxiety.

Recently, say the last five years or so, I've come to appreciate change so much more.

Sometimes, in order to move from where we are to something better, we go through difficult times.  Of course, we can't see over the horizon, when things get better.  All we see is what we face every day. Sometimes this stuff is our fault, and sometimes it's other folks causing the disruption.

The typical reaction is to push back to maintain the status quo at all cost.

However, I've come to the place where I'm understanding - sometimes when crazy stuff happens - it's happening to move us from one place to another.  Chances are, we wouldn't have made that move without a nudge, or a flat out push.

But then, we find ourselves faced with a new reality.  A new job.  A new home.  A new city.  New friends.  New everything.

No matter how we got there, now we have to figure out what we're going to do - make the most of it, or cry and complain.

I've tried both ways, and I can testify, making the most of it is so much better. Trust me on that one.

So, sometimes when aggravating people invade our world, especially when they're aggravating bosses, we have to make a decision.  Do we live with the craziness that makes for a intolerable work environment, or do we step out, in faith, exploring other options, and hope for the best?

These decisions can be tough for single folks, but I think they're especially tough for people with families.  The decisions that are made will affect everyone in the household.

It was discontentment and poor treatment that caused me to explore other options for employment.  If I'd been happy, chances are, I'd still be in Sacramento.

But when the crazy stuff started to happen, that gave me permission, if you will, to seek a job/happiness, elsewhere.

That, of course, led to this, and this has been great.

Has it been perfect?  Far from it, but it has allowed me to explore the world in ways I never imagined.

Change is tough, but living in misery is a lot tougher.

I honestly believe there is something each of us was born to do.

Find that, and you find happiness, peace, and contentment.

Will it be perfect?

No.

But when you wake up excited to start the day, you'll know you're moving in the right direction.

OK.

That's it.

This concludes my sermon for today.

And the choir said, "Thank God."

I heard that!!!

That's a Keeper!

A five year old gets an absence excuse from President Obama.  That's one she needs to keep.  She's too cute!  Check them out below.

https://socialreader.com/me/content/Bsolk?chid=2476&_p=trending&utm_source=wp&utm_medium=Widgets&utm_campaign=wpsrTrendingExternal-1-opt

Fifty Cent Bets

I am blessed with terrific people in my life.  Every place I've lived or visited, I've been touched by amazing people.

Today I want to tell you about one of them.

We met more than ten years ago, when I landed my first principalship.  She was the office manager at the school.

Now, the most important person on any school campus is the office manager.  She keeps things running smoothly through all of the normal school days, but especially during the wild and crazy ones.  She is the anchor of the building.

This lady was that and so much more.

She could teach a class on organization.  Her system was impeccable.  She had a folder or binder for everything, and could find things at the drop of a hat.  I know seeing my piles caused her heart to palpitate a little faster, but she was patient and kind, as she rolled her eyes at my messy areas.

She was a wiz with the school finances.  Schools have several funding sources with each having specific guidelines on how the money is spent.  She was a walking encyclopedia of budgeting knowledge.

She was an excellent ambassador for the school, the community, and me.  She was the first person someone saw when they entered our building, and they were always greeted with a warm, genuine smile.  You see, whoever is out front, the first person that folks see when they enter your world, is a reflection on you.  If they're friendly and helpful, it reflects on you.  If they're snotty and rude, that reflects on you, too.

She had this incredible sense that allowed her to know what I needed before I knew I needed it.  She anticipated my needs, and had things prepared for it, before I even knew what to ask for.  This was an absolutely amazing gift.

She was my sounding board.  She provided a level-headed, objective point of view. I trusted her judgement and knew she would tell me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not.  Everyone needs someone like this in their world.

And . . .

She was the absolute best when it came to the 50 cent bets.  We would bet about silly things, like whether the next person walking through the door would have on glasses or not.  Really silly stuff, but it was so much fun.  Actually, the bets started off as five dollar bets, but after loosing the first ten dollars to her, it was changed to fifty cents.  We both kept a supply of quarters on our desks because the bets had to be settled immediately.  No IOU's allowed.  I know it all sounds silly, but that little game helped to keep the office a fun place to be in the hotbed of stress that was an ever present thing.

I've had office managers before and after this lady, and I loved them all . . . but she was one of a kind.

Please join me in raising a glass to my dear friend Deb.

Jerusalem

Whatever your stand is on Israel, from a religious or political standpoint, the video clip linked below shows stunning aerial shots of the city of Jerusalem.

http://vimeo.com/15034110

I was hoping to get to Israel when I was in Jordan, but as I've mentioned before, the UAE doesn't recognize Israel as a country.  Getting my passport stamped there would have prevented my re-entry to the UAE.  I'm told you get around this by having a piece of paper for the stamp, that can be discarded, so there is no evidence of the visit.  In spite of this, Israel remains on my bucket list.

Enjoy.

Atheist vs. Christian

An intriguing debate.

https://www.upworthy.com/a-debate-between-an-atheist-and-a-christian-has-quite-a-surprising-result?c=upw1

Fascinating Study on Addicts

This study shows that when given a choice, crack and meth addicts, can show restraint for their drug of choice.

Very, very interesting.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/17/science/the-rational-choices-of-crack-addicts.html?hp

Side note - The author is the guy pictured.  He's 46!  Seriously, he is a great example of the cliche that "black don't crack."  Brother man looks great for his age.

My Youngest Sweetie Pie!

Plus Mommy & Daddy

Milu @ 8.5 months

The Ripple Effect of Battered Women

This is the story of a young boy who watched in horror as his Mom was beaten, again and again.  And this is the story of the lengths that someone will go to, to make to the terrorizing beatings stop.

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/14/i_had_it_in_me_to_kill_him/?source=newsletter

Of course this brings up many other questions, like . . .

When do the beatings start?

Why would anyone stick around after that first one?

Why do some women feel like any man, no matter how bad they are treated, is better than no man?

How many times does someone have to be mistreated to decide that enough is enough?

Is it the shame that victims feel that keeps them quiet?

Or, is it the threat of even more violence if these horrors are revealed that makes them mum?

Some how, some way, we must expose this behavior by uncovering it and hope that the victims have the courage to step away and stay away.

And . . . without a doubt, the aggressors must be punished.

My recommendation?

A public flogging, to shame them and beat the sh*t out of them.

Please pardon my French.

The Power of Kindness

This commercial from Thailand has a universal message that needs to be shared far and wide.  Please pass it on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/13/tear-jerker-truemove-thai-commercial_n_3922857.html

Weird Customs

Weird to us, normal for them.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/14/weird-cultural-differences_n_3875360.html?ref=topbar

New Phone Concept

Very intriguing.

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/09/13/that-last-phone-youll-ever-buy/

My Oldest Sweetie Pie!

What a little lady!  Ready to conquer the world!

Zadie Faye at 2 years, 10 months

A Special Grace

I believe that God bestows a special grace on new parents.  Especially new parents who are absolutely clueless about babies and how to raise them.

This is the state I was in when Ben was born.

I was the youngest in my family, so there were no siblings to practice on.  And I never babysat while growing up.  So when Ben arrived, 32 years ago, this September 16th, God made him especially tough.

There's a picture of him taken at a week old, with an expression that said, "please figure this out soon."

I was determined to breast feed him, and boy, was that colorful!  My breasts were huge, but there was only a trickle of milk coming out of them.  Ben would nurse for a few minutes and then scream for me to just give him a bottle already, which of course, I did.

Neither of my guys were big milk drinkers, but Ben loved juice.  He went to bed with juice and woke up with juice.  It is absolutely miraculous that his teeth didn't rot.

In spite of my ineptitude, Ben was a happy baby.  He always woke up with a smile. It was like he was rewarding me for effort, when we both knew I had no idea what I was doing.

For instance, it didn't occur to me when he started to roll around, that he could fall off the bed.  The first time it happened, (yes, it happened more than once), I said a special prayer, thanking God for making him tough.

When Ben started to talk, one of the first things he said was, "I'm always on duty," from the cartoon, Inspector Gadget, which I finally figured out when I was watching it with him one day.  Was the TV babysitting him?  I'd like to say no, but his first words prove otherwise.

So this was the start of Ben's growing adventure.

I believe most first born kids are like science projects that we hope will turn out OK.  And so it was with Ben.

But, in spite of it all . . .

He made it.

And not only did he survive, he thrived.

I am so proud of the man he has become, knowing that he made it in spite of my ignorance.

Happy birthday Ben.

Love, Mom

The Return of the Afro

Don't you love how we recycle styles?

What was old is new again, and the kids sporting the "new" look are surprised when we old timers remind them that it's from "back in the day?"

On that note, please allow me to present . . .

The Afros of Yesterday, Today, & Tomorrow

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/12/dante-de-blasio-brings-back-the-fro-thegrios-favorite-afros-of-all-time/#s:jackson-51

I Love This Guy!

Outspoken, outrageous, and fiercely talented . . . Mr. Andre Leon Tally, fashion editor icon.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/11/andre-leon-talley-slams-russell-simmons-he-should-not-be-front-row-at-fashion-week/#52985999

Colored Folks & Camping

Camping is not high on the list of things to do for most Black folks.  This is not news, but there was a recent article about it that garnered some attention and feedback.

It was very interesting.  Check out the link below.

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/09/12/the-great-white-outdoors-ctd-2/

I was reminded of an annual camping field trip that many of the students in Sacramento schools participated in.

The kids' loved it.

White kids.  Black kids.  Hispanic kids.

They all loved it and were so excited about going.

As the kids boarded the buses on the day of the trip, I gave them a hearty wave as they left for the campgrounds about forty miles away.

I had absolutely no desire to see it.

Side note - Likewise, I had no desire to spend the night at the zoo with another group of kids.  I stayed with them through dinner, then again said my goodbyes.

Sleeping with the critters?

No thanks.

Now, getting back to camping story . . .

I did end up driving to the campground on my last year at this school.

Honestly, I was shamed in to going.

If the principal of the schools visited his/her kids while they were camping, the camp would pay the fee for a student to attend the next year.  This was a big deal because the school/kids had to pay a fee, which was pretty steep for many of our families.

This would be my first trip in my third year as principal.

So, feeling the pressure, I went.

With each passing mile, I knew the chances of seeing folks who looked like me was getting slimmer and slimmer.  That image was unsettling.

Remember, I was raised in the segregated South where images of ugly stuff happening to folks who ventured out of their "assigned" areas could result in bad things happening.

Right or wrong, that's what I was thinking.

So . . .

When I was about five miles or so from the campground, the route called for me to turn off the main road, onto two-lane winding roads.

Although it was luscious green and very scenic, the only thing I was thinking about was how dark it must be at night, as there were no street lights, and the homes and businesses were sparsely scattered throughout.  You could drive a while before seeing any people/critters, etc.

After trying unsuccessfully to push those negative thoughts to the back of my mind, I made it to the camp.  My kids were tickled pink to see me, and my visit guaranteed another student would be able to go next year.

Did I ever consider going back?

No.

Would I consider camping in the future?

Probably not.

Is it because I'm Black?

Maybe.

Will the kids of color who experienced this want to do it again?

Statistics says no.

If they don't, will it be because they're Black/Hispanic?

Who knows?

Remember when Oprah and Gayle went camping to shed light on this absence of colored folks in the national parks?

Did they change any minds?

If Oprah can't get us to be one with nature, who can?

Little Help?

These two teams could use a hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/11/record-rugby-defeat_n_3909493.html?utm_hp_ref=sports

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/10/fire-kiffin-chants-usc-fans-lane_n_3896449.html?utm_hp_ref=sports

What Would You Do?

This soldier gives a great response to a man's harassment of a Muslim.

Check it out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/11/american-soldier-anti-mus_n_3906743.html

Thirty Years Ago

It was thirty years ago this Tuesday, September 10th, that I gave birth to Frankie. He was a premie, born a month early.

This was a difficult pregnancy, considered high risk.

The previous year I gave birth to our baby girl Lydia, who lived only two weeks.  She had a multitude of medical issues, the most serious of which was having only one kidney, and that one was diseased.

After Lydia's death, the doctors suggested that we wait a while to have another child so that we could deal with all that had happened.  However, I knew if we waited, I would have been too frightened to try again.  So, against medical advice, I was pregnant with Frankie a couple of months later.

Two years earlier, when I was pregnant with Ben, I had surgery in my fifth month, and spent most of the last trimester on bed rest.

With Lydia, a year later, I was fine, but she had problems.

Now with Frankie, I had placenta previa, which was a serious condition with the potential of maternal hemorrhaging before or during labor.

We were in the Navy at this time, and had orders to go to the Philippines, but they were changed because the hospital there didn't have a neonatal intensive care unit. The orders were changed to Columbia, South Carolina instead.

Shortly after arriving in South Carolina, we purchased a home that we were so excited about. We moved in and in the excitement, I moved something too heavy and started to bleed.  I was hospitalized for observation, then discharged with the order of no heavy lifting, moving etc.  Ben was always big for his age and at two years old, he was already a bruiser.  But he was two, so not picking him up every now and then was a challenge.  At any rate, I promised to be on my best behavior and was discharged.

Of course, when I returned home, there was still furniture to move, and a toddler to care for.

So, you know what happened, right?

Yep, I managed to move something and I started to bleed again.  This time when I was hospitalized, no amount of begging changed the doctor's mind.  So, I spent the last month of the pregnancy in the hospital.  It would have been two if I made it to full term.  This was before the drive-by medical service that is the norm today.

Now I knew what it was like to lose a child, so you would think I would have erred on the side of caution.  Only God knows what I was thinking.

While in the hospital the second time, I continued to bleed off and on, and after checking Frankie's vital organs, it was determined that he would be OK if delivered early, so the doctor said if I started to bleed again, they would do a caesarian section.

On a beautiful Saturday morning, with this plan in place, the bleeding resumed, and I was prepped for surgery.  I called Frank, but he had to get Ben to a sitter before he could arrive.  By the time he got there, Frankie was born.

He was a beautiful little guy, but he looked so much like his sister, that the first couple of weeks were filled with mixed emotions.  We were thrilled he was here and healthy, but he looked so much like Lydia, he was also a reminder of our loss.

When he moved past the two weeks mark that Lydia lived, he came into his own.

When Ben met Frankie, he was absolutely thrilled with his new brother.  He had one of the biggest smiles ever when he saw him the first time.  That admiration continued until Frankie started to smile, and then Ben was through with him, but it was great while it lasted.

We settled into a routine where Frankie and I spent a lot of time together, while Ben was in preschool and Frank was at work.  He and I would take a walk everyday.  He loved being outside.

With Ben as his role model, he learned everything quicker.  He walked at ten months, while Ben didn't walk until he was a year old.  It was like that with all of the growth markers.  It was like he was rushing to catch up with Ben.

It's hard to believe that it's been thirty years.

I remember this time like it was yesterday.

I was 27 years old, with two baby boys.  Ben at 2 and Frankie a newborn.

When Frankie and Cara were expecting Zadie, I thought he was too young to be a father.  Of course, he reminded me that I had both he and Ben by this same age. And of course, he was right.

My advice to everyone with little ones is . . . enjoy them.  Spend time with them. Laugh with them.  Listen to them.  And love them like there's no tomorrow because if you're lucky, in the blink of an eye, they'll be grown, having kids of their own . . . like my baby boy.

Happy birthday Frankie.

Love, Mom

Before Blacks Ruled Basketball

Let's call this Sports Week.

Yesterday's post was about football.  Today its basketball.

In both of these stories, it is so much more than just the game.  It is about our society at that time and how sports were influenced by it.

Check out the story out below.

http://www.theroot.com/views/blacks-ruled-college-game?wpisrc=root_lightbox

For those of you who think this sports stuff is off base, remember - I only have brothers, and only have sons.  I'm into sports by default.

Cheers.

The Evolution of the Black Quarterbacks

This is a fascinating article on the long road traveled to the breakthrough of the first black college quarterback.  It was heartwarming to see my alma mater, Florida A & M University, played a vital, although unheralded, role in the process.

http://www.slate.com/articles/sports/sports_nut/2013/09/breaking_the_line_how_football_s_racial_breakthroughs_of_1967_paved_the.single.html

Reunited

Here's an update on Ruby Bridges, the six year old who helped to integrate New Orleans schools in 1960.  She recently met with one of the men who was charged with protecting her.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/ruby-bridges-marshal-photo_n_3877473.html

Read All About It . . .

"Addresses for Every Home in Abu Dhabi by 2015"

http://www.thenational.ae/news/uae-news/address-for-every-home-by-2015?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Daily%2BNewsletter%2B05-09-2013

In Support of Gay Marriage

This Australian politician nails it.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-pastor-asks-a-politician-why-he-supports-gay-marriage-it-seems-he-wasnt-prepared-for-his-reply?c=upw1

This Kid is My Hero

This young man started a company two years ago that is worth $3.5 million!

Check him out for yourself.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/03/jaylen-bledsoe_n_3860585.html?utm_hp_ref=black-voices&ir=Black%20Voices

Living Dangerously

As I was driving home today, a car pulled up quickly behind me, then raced to pass me, only to have to slow down, or in this case stop, for the roundabout traffic a half mile away.  I pulled up behind this guy, but decided to get in another lane, at the last minute.  Thank God I did.

I was sitting third behind a crane truck and a 15-seat van.  We were waiting a while to move, although the traffic was clear to go.  When we did finally move, I could see there was an accident.  The car racing pass me had flipped over.  Scores of people stopped to help, but I did not, knowing that I would only be in the way of the emergency response teams getting through.

My heart ached for this silly man.  What could have been going on in his life that was so important he felt the needed to drive like a bat out of hell?

There is a real issue with speeding here.  It is especially dangerous because of the huge, heavy vehicles on the roads, and as I've stated before, folks don't wear seat belts and kids are not secured in car seats.  So when there is an accident, and there are many, it is nothing short of miraculous when people survive.

Country-wide initiatives are ongoing in an effort to educate the masses on the dangers of reckless driving.  I can't see where they have been much help.

On a positive note, witnessing this crazy driving has caused me to be especially vigilant behind the wheel.

Here's hoping that your world is calm and safe.

Visiting Cuba . . .

Is on my bucket list.

It's time we, as a nation, called the powers that be in Cuba, and declared a truce. This bad blood between us has gone on long enough.  Both sides need to apologize for the wrongs, and move on.

Some would say it's much more complicated than that.

I say, "Hog wash."

We simply need to get pass the past, agree to disagree, and move on.

In celebration of that thought, check out the pictures out of Cuba at the end of this link.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-goldman/faces-of-cuba_b_3823598.html

Let's do like Larry the Cable Guy, and git-r-done!