It took me nearly 20 years to realize that I wasn't responsible for someone else's happiness.
You see, I tried to make my ex-husband happy.
I tried.
And tried.
And tried again, but nothing worked.
He was never satisfied, no matter what I did.
At about the 10 year mark, I began to realize that the issue was bigger than me, but I still gave it my all.
At 15 years into this thing, I said, "Fuck it," (please pardon my French), but continued to stay in the marriage for the financial stability it brought and to provide the best for my boys.
But it was only after I was divorced and completely free of the burden of trying to please him, that I realized what a futile journey that had been all along.
You see, you can't make someone else happy.
Happiness comes from within.
I've learned in my later years that it's a choice.
I can choose whether to be happy or not.
When challenges come, and they come to all of us, I can choose to wallow in self-pity, or I can dust myself off and move on.
I've chosen the latter.
I choose to see the glass half full.
And I've learned that for me to grow and become all that I am meant to be, I have to hang with like-minded folks.
The naysayers . . .
The constantly complaining folks . . .
The "world is out to get me" folks . . .
The "why me?" folks . . .
They were dead weight in my world, and harsh as it may have been, they had to go.
So, my challenge to you is - take a real close look at the people in your world, and one by one, start cutting the ties of the dead weight. Although it may be tough, I promise you, it'll be one of the best decisions of your life.
$65,000,000 for a New Private Jet, Creflo Dollar? Negro, Please
He wants to pull millions out of the community for a Gulfstream G650, just so he can fly above it all and tell his congregation to say “praise the Lord” while he does.
On the streets of any hood in the United States, Creflo Dollar would be called a hustler. Behind the pulpit, however, he’s called pastor, and if that’s not a sin, I don’t know what else to call it.
Dollar, who made headlines in 2012 for allegedly assaulting his then 15-year-old daughter, has now launched a full-fledged campaign to pressure his World Changers Church International congregation into buying him a new, $65 million Gulfstream G650 jet.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Apparently, the right reverend was traveling on his old private jet when the aircraft experienced engine failure. Fortunately, the pilot was able to land safely without any injuries or fatalities, but the incident was so frightening, Dollar felt compelled to reach out to his flock.
We are asking members, partners and supporters of this ministry to assist in the undertaking of an initiative called Project G650. The mission of Project G650 is to acquire a Gulfstream G650 airplane so that Pastors Creflo and Taffi and World Changers Church International can continue to blanket the globe with the Gospel of grace. We are believing for 200,000 people to give contributions of 300 US dollars or more to turn this dream into a reality—and allow us to retire the aircraft that served us well for many years.
To which, the question has to be asked: Is American Airlines closed? Did Delta go on break?
According to a recent Atlanta Blackstar report, Dollar has an estimated net worth of $27 million—200 times more than the $29,640 average annual income in College Park, Ga., where he holds court.
So, for argument’s sake, let’s say that he’s such a VIP that it’s just absolutely necessary for him to own a private jet—or, maybe, he’s just allergic to those two-pack Biscoff cookies airlines pass out in-flight. But why can’t he pay for it himself?
After all, this is a man who tells his followers that Jesus wants them to be rich, and if you pay him, he’ll show you how to do it. He unapologetically flaunts his wealth to prove to his congregation that the God of the Holy Bible will make those faithful to him richer than Empire’s Lucious Lyon. His prosperity gospel has encouraged more materialism and greed that any episode of Basketball Wivesever could. And he walks around with more gold than Trinidad James.
There're a lot of negative perceptions about the Middle East and the people who occupy this land.
Like we black folks have said for so long, "If your only opinion of us as a people is derived from what you see in the media, you're getting a warped view."
The same holds true here.
I've met some of the nicest, kindest, warmest, most caring people, who are Arabs. They have been from here in the UAE, from Jordan, Egypt, Iraq, Syria, and other countries that make up this region. Ninety-nine percent of them are Muslim.
And they are wonderful people.
One of our teachers is from Iraq and we were talking about the war and the continued conflict in her land that has been and continues to be exacerbated by the US, and we shared that the conflict is not with the ordinary citizens, but with the rulers of our respective countries. The ordinary folks want to live in peace and provide for their families, the same as us in America.
This has to be one of the greatest lessons learned in my time here - we're far more alike than we are different. Most people don't wake up wanting to go to war.
I've learned to expect good things from the people I meet.
I expect people to be good to me.
I expect them to be kind and helpful.
I expect people to treat me the way I treat others.
As a result, I don't live in fear that someone will harm me.
I've learned to expect the best in others, and that is the greatest lesson of all.
The video clip below celebrates the many women who play the role of mother and father in their kids' lives. This doesn't negate the wonderful fathers out there who are doing an awesome job in parenthood, but this guy simply recognizes the reality of a great number of kids.
And yet in many ways the needle seems like it's hardly moved.
Below is a New York Times article from 1962.
The money quote: “Why does the ‘necessary force’ employed by an Alabama sheriff in subduing two unruly prisoners leave the white with a headache and the Negro with a brain concussion?”
http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?nlid=38867499&res=9407E7DB1539E03ABC4F53DFB7668389679EDE
Sigma Alpha Epsilon members chant racist song. YOUTUBE SCREENSHOT
The Klansmen of Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity have exposed to the world what many of us already know: Racism is part and parcel of white America’s most beloved traditions.
By now, most people have read about SAE’s University of Oklahoma chapter and its little diddy about hanging “n--gers from trees.” There has, of course, been the required uproar, complete with OU President David Boren’s issuing a blistering statement that OU doesn’t “provide student services for bigots.”
Oh, but they do. Along with most institutions in the United States of America, OU does indeed harbor bigots in their midst. These little grand wizards’ crime wasn’t that they sang the song; it’s that they got caught. When SAE was founded on March 9, 1856—159 years ago—in Tuscaloosa, Ala., “hanging n--gers from trees” was as commonplace as police officers shooting unarmed, black people today. As far back as 2011, SAE embraced its bad-boy reputation as the “nation’s deadliest fraternity” instead of admitting what many of its members really are: thugs.
Yes, President Boren’s statement is powerful. It’s the kind of statement that is crafted after students on your campus chant about lynching “n--gers” from trees. It’s the kind of statement that seeks to separate “good” white folks from “bad” white folks while simultaneously deflecting from the systemic racism that permeates every facet of American life, from the boardroom to the courtroom to the classroom.
This is one of many reasons why so many black Americans distrust white people—particularly privileged white boys with wealth and access to power. Because they want us to believe this lie that racism can be flushed out and banned from campus. They want us to believe that making an example out of the little wanna-be massas absolves them from the responsibility of working to dismantle the white supremacy of which they so willingly partake.
I am neither angry nor surprised by these white extremists getting caught doing what white extremists do. This is American tradition. These are the words embedded in the psyches of these white fraternity brothers before they can even speak.
How do I know? My father was a proud member of Omega Psi Phi fraternity. By the time I was 5 or 6 years old, I was already walking around our home singing:
“I’ve got a feeling/ I’ve got a feeling, brother/I’ve got a feeling/Somebody trying to sneak in my frat/And it ain’t gon’ be no s--t like that.”
Those words were emblazoned on my mind like a Que brand, along with the words: “Omega man by day; Que Dog by night” and “Friendship is essential to the soul,” as well as understanding the importance of “manhood, scholarship, perseverance and uplift.”
At the same time somewhere in America, little white boys were traipsing around Confederate-flag-adorned homes, eagerly anticipating the day that they, too, could sing about segregation and murder with their fraternity brothers just like Daddy used to do. They, too, could stand in the tradition of white supremacists so afraid of being exposed as mediocre that they lean on plantation jingles to make them feel better about themselves.
It would be laughable if it weren’t so dangerous. We could shrug it off if these weren’t the boys who grow up to be the killers with badges who leave our children dead in the street, blaming them for their own deaths. We could feel sorry for the pathetic creatures they are if these weren’t the boys who grow up to be the men who execute black men when there is proof of their innocence. We could dismiss the women of Tri Delta who were captured singing along with their SAE brothers if these weren’t the girls who grow up to be the white feminists demanding that we put aside our struggles of being black in America to help them seize their equal piece of white supremacist pie.
As it often goes, this too shall pass and racism as American tradition will continue as it always does. Many of us have already shifted the dialogue from the insidious racism that SAE’s song represents to applauding President Boren’s strong condemnation of it—and that’s unfortunate.
Imagine for one moment that a black Greek-letter fraternity at an HBCU was captured on video singing, “I’m gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see.” We would know the name, GPA and arrest record of everyone on that bus and their family members. Some token African American, probably Charles Barkley, would pathologize blackness in prime time, and conservative pundits would spend weeks lamenting the lack of black fathers in the home, despite that being a proven myth.
But, oh to be white, young and racist in America. Luckily for them, and despite all black people have endured in this country, our traditions don’t mirror the casual bloodlust of their own. If it did, I’m sure they’d be singing a much different tune.
Ben made a layover stop in Abu Dhabi, on his way home from India, and we had a wonderful weekend together.
He arrived late this past Thursday night, and I picked him up on Friday morning and we headed to my old stomping ground, Al Ain.
He visited me over a year ago and we did the Abu and Dubai tours, so this visit he got a taste of a different part of this country.
Although I would have loved for him to see where I currently live, it was just too far. I'm three hours from the airport in Abu Dhabi, and with his quick turn around, there just wasn't enough hours in the day.
I absolutely loved our time. Our conversations were so rich and free-flowing. We talked for hours and hours.
Here we are having fun.
These pictures were taken at the airport, on his way home.
She may be decades older than her colleagues, but this 91-year-old woman brings all the wisdom she's collected in her long life – and that's something you can't teach.
As a young girl, Barbara Beskind dreamed of becoming an inventor. Now, at 91 years old, she's seeing it through.
Beskind works as a tech designer for IDEO, a Silicon Valley design firm, according to TODAY.
Her passion for inventing began nine decades ago during the Great Depression, but she couldn't follow it because the related college courses were reserved for men. So she ended up joining the army and becoming an occupational therapist instead.
But she always had a passion for creating things. When she was 10 years old, she made a hobby horse out of old tires.
"I learned a lot about gravity because I fell off so many times," Beskind tells TODAY.
Two years ago, she read an article about IDEO, which is famous for creating the first mouse for Apple, and decided to apply for a job, saying: "Now nearly 90, I am anxious to be involved with others who share a passion for problem solving and innovative design."
She leaves her senior living community, takes public transportation and walks a few blocks to the office every Thursday.
"IDEO is my second family. Everybody gives you a hug and they're very supportive," she says. "On Thursday I feel 30 years younger."
Beskind primarily works on projects pertaining to aging. She feels like her coworkers can't always put themselves in the shoes of the elderly.
"People who design for the elderly think they need jeweled pill boxes or pink canes. We need functional equipment," Beskind says.
"She's not afraid to roll up her sleeves," Gretchen Addi, who works at IDEO, tells PEOPLE. "She's just an incredible resource for us."
And the designer is thankful for her job.
"It makes aging more tolerable, more enjoyable, she tells NPR. "I enjoy the age I'm in. I think it's one of the best chapters of my life."
One if the largest banks in this area is focusing on solar energy. That makes so much sense because, I'm guessing but, we probably get 350 out of 365 days a year of sun.
This ten minute video is one of the most powerful messages I've seen on the impact of gun violence. Please take the time to watch this and then please pass it on.
Etihad is the national airlines of Abu Dhabi. Emirates is the national carrier for Dubai. Together, along with other Persian Gulf airlines, they are ruffling the feathers of the big US airlines because they are offering more perks, mainly because they are heavily subsidized by their respective governments.
The US is crying . . . foul.
The Persian Gulf carriers are saying . . . it's not our fault your government won't help you.
The set of biracial twins, born in the United Kingdom to a white father and black mother, often stun those who don’t know them because they look nothing alike and are often mistaken as just friends, the New York Post reports.
The girls have even had to produce their birth certificates in order to prove that they are related.
“No one ever believes we are twins because I am white and Maria is black,” Lucy Aylmer said, according to the site. “Even when we dress alike, we still don’t even look like sisters, let alone twins.”
Their appearances came as a shock for the family, including their mother, Donna Douglas.
“It was such a shock for her because obviously things like skin color don’t show up on scans before birth,” Lucy added. “So she had no idea that we were so different. When the midwife handed us both to her, she was just speechless.”
Lucy, a redhead, who can easily pass for white, is the near polar opposite of her twin, Maria, who has dark hair and a darker complexion.
“All our older brothers and sisters have a skin color which is in between Maria and I,” Lucy said. “We are at opposite ends of the spectrum and they are all somewhere in between.”
However, for Lucy, at least, their differences are no problem, and they never have to worry about being mistaken for each other, as different as they are.
“We were in the same class at infant school, but no one ever had a problem telling us apart,” she said. “Most twins look like two peas in a pod—but Maria and I couldn’t look more different if we tried. We don’t even look like we have the same parents, let alone having been born at the same time.”
This is a terrific article about an amazing restaurant in Hawaii that gives prostitutes, convicts and others on the wrong side of the law, a second chance.
It's the feel good story of the day.
H/T The Huffington Post
Restaurant In Hawaii Offers Fresh Start For Former Prostitutes, Convicts, Others Who Need A Hand
When Mary Nelson started working at a restaurant in Honolulu last year, she hid in the back as a dishwasher.
Despite her lively personality and quick humor, she was too intimidated to interact with the customers, so for the first six months of the job, she washed dishes.
It was only the second job the 53-year-old had ever had. Before starting at Seed, a "justice restaurant" that provides employment for the community's at-risk population, Nelson had been a prostitute for 38 years.
She started working on the streets of New York City at the age of 14, after her mother committed suicide. When she was 18, she heard that clients were a lot less violent in Hawaii, so she hopped on a plane and moved to Waikiki.
It wasn't until she was in her early 50s that a church group persuaded her to leave the streets and try working at Seed. She spent the first six months washing dishes because she wanted to be far away from the customers or, what she would call, the "good people."
It was hard work, but the past year has been revolutionary for Nelson. She is now one of the most popular waitresses at the restaurant, and at Seed, she told The Huffington Post, "I get to be the person I was never able to be. I get to help people without someone trying to take advantage of me."
The recovery homes were succeeding as havens, but the Sengs and the organization kept running into one frustrating problem: They could not find these individuals jobs. So, they decided to create the jobs themselves.
Seed, a for-profit restaurant, was created to provide flexible jobs in the community. The restaurant -- which serves healthy, locally sourced meals -- is staffed by former convicts and prostitutes and victims of domestic violence, human trafficking and other societal or physical challenges.
"Seed is an expression of a whole community of people," Seng told The Huffington Post. "A lot of people we employ need a little care. So they get to exist in a broader community and that's where the bulk of the rehabilitation is done."
To assist the at-risk staff with their rehabilitation, an additional staff of "stable" employees take on more responsibility and, as Seng says, work twice as hard. Volunteers also jump on board, picking up shifts as often as twice a week.
"As much as possible, we run [Seed] like a normal restaurant, but with the understanding that we're also trying to develop job skills," Ryland Young, assistant general manager, said. "For those who are stable, the mission of our restaurant is what draws them and keeps them here."
"They can have less complicated jobs that pay better elsewhere," Seng added. "They work here because they're looking for jobs that mean a little more."
When Seed hires a new at-risk employee, usually a person from Bluewater Mission's recovery homes or a word-of-mouth referral from an employee, he or she is placed in a specific role (dishwasher, cook, server, barista, etc.) and matched with a more experienced staffer. The two work together until the new hire can work independently.
Some positions, like cook, are more difficult to learn than others, but employees move up and advance at their own pace.
"When someone's ready to take on a challenge, we give it to them," Young said. "If there's someone who needs to take a little more time, like some of our servers who come from really tough situations, we take our time with them."
Nelson says she needed those first six months as a dishwasher.
"I was always a people person," she says, "but with the wrong kind of people ... negative people [from] the street life. Then here I come around [to Seed] and it's a whole new world. I didn't want to deal with none of the humans. I was afraid of the rejection or that people would judge me or wouldn't trust me."
When Seng finally persuaded her try out hostessing, she was pleasantly surprised.
"I didn't get any of that," Nelson said. "I was able to be a people person with good people."
She was promoted to server, and her colorful personality now charms customers, especially kids. Seed's walls were once lined with all the drawings that kids left behind, addressed to Grandma Mary. Nelson has taken most of them home.
Mary Nelson, pictured here during an interview with Career Changers TV.
Does It Work?
Seng says that for every 10 at-risk employees that come to work at Seed, four will successfully stabilize into normal lives. "Either they'll succeed here, or they'll succeed well enough to get a job elsewhere," he added. As the restaurant approaches its one year anniversary and prepares to close for renovations and fundraising, he hopes they can improve that number.
"There's a lot of things that we haven't figured out yet," Seng said. "But what makes it successful when it works is the degree that our employees succeed at forming friendships [with their coworkers] outside of the workplace. It's 300 percent better," compared to not having a community-based work environment.
When Nelson's birthday came around, for example, she invited her friends -- many of whom were still actively working on the streets of Waikiki -- to join her at Seed for dinner and meet her coworkers. She wanted them to see that there are people in the world who won't judge them. "I wanted to let these girls know that there are options," she said. "That if grandma can do it, they can too."
'I Never Thought I'd Be This Person I Am Now'
Nelson has been known to remind her fellow staffers that what she makes in a month at Seed, she used to make in one night on the streets. She had it all, she tells them: new cars, jewelry, travel, nice condos -- though, sometimes, beatings, rape and "so much horror" came with the price.
"[Y]ou can't buy what I'm going through right now. I'm on cloud nine," she says. "I never thought that I'd be in Hawaii and be this person I am now."
Nelson still lives in an apartment in Waikiki above the busy streets where she worked for more than 30 years. She says it would be easy to walk out her front door and find a customer, "but that hasn't happened and it's not going to. Seed has been a big influence on that."
Recently, Nelson took some time off work to go with her church on a trip to the Philippines to try and reach out to prostitutes working there. She's made it her mission to help women who are going through the life she freed herself from.
"I want those women to know there’s hope," she said. "[To them, I say:] You can change. There are people out there that really want to help and you’ve got to have faith and try to believe. Just like you went out there and took a chance on the streets, you’ve got to take a chance on this as well."
Watch Nelson talk about her past and her new life at Seed at 0:54 in the video below.
