Let me begin by saying I'm not advocating divorce, but simply sharing how my life has changed, and why it was the best decision I ever made.
As in any relationship, and especially in marriage, there is compromise.
Ying and yang.
Give and take.
Allowances made to keep the peace.
The problem creeps in when the balance is consistently off, and there is way more giving than taking.
When you live your life the way someone else thinks you need to live it, always trying to please the other person, that can lead to problems.
For me, divorce was a breakthrough. It was the opportunity to discover who I was - the good, bad and the ugly - and to live my life trying to please only one person - me.
When I discovered who I was, I made a conscious decision to like me. Even the parts of me that I was working on.
I still have a critical eye when it comes to myself, but I see it as the need for personal growth, not as part of a condemnation plot where I need to beat myself up because I'm not measuring up, in someone else's eyes.
So, some of you may be thinking - do I regret getting married in the first place?
Absolutely not. That journey led to Ben and Frankie, and I'm most proud of them.
I stayed in this marriage as long as I did in large part because of them. (Hey guys. Don't trip. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ). I wanted them to have the benefit of having their father in their lives for as long as possible. He was a much better parent than husband. Of course, he could say the same about me, and would probably be right.
Truth be told, maybe it have had nothing to do with Ben and Frankie. Maybe it was just me, scared to death to step out on my own, even though, unlike many in my position, I had options because I had a degree, and could find work.
I swore growing up that I wouldn't do what my Mom did, and stay in a toxic relationship.
Never say never.
You do what you feel have to do to make the most of a bad situation.
Then, if you're lucky, you escape and move on.
I was very lucky.
As in any relationship, and especially in marriage, there is compromise.
Ying and yang.
Give and take.
Allowances made to keep the peace.
The problem creeps in when the balance is consistently off, and there is way more giving than taking.
When you live your life the way someone else thinks you need to live it, always trying to please the other person, that can lead to problems.
For me, divorce was a breakthrough. It was the opportunity to discover who I was - the good, bad and the ugly - and to live my life trying to please only one person - me.
When I discovered who I was, I made a conscious decision to like me. Even the parts of me that I was working on.
I still have a critical eye when it comes to myself, but I see it as the need for personal growth, not as part of a condemnation plot where I need to beat myself up because I'm not measuring up, in someone else's eyes.
So, some of you may be thinking - do I regret getting married in the first place?
Absolutely not. That journey led to Ben and Frankie, and I'm most proud of them.
I stayed in this marriage as long as I did in large part because of them. (Hey guys. Don't trip. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ). I wanted them to have the benefit of having their father in their lives for as long as possible. He was a much better parent than husband. Of course, he could say the same about me, and would probably be right.
Truth be told, maybe it have had nothing to do with Ben and Frankie. Maybe it was just me, scared to death to step out on my own, even though, unlike many in my position, I had options because I had a degree, and could find work.
I swore growing up that I wouldn't do what my Mom did, and stay in a toxic relationship.
Never say never.
You do what you feel have to do to make the most of a bad situation.
Then, if you're lucky, you escape and move on.
I was very lucky.
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