From CHINA to CHINA

This week the Muslim world is celebrating EID (which is the closest thing they have to Christmas, in that this is a gift-giving holiday), so I took advantage of this time off to visit Beijing, China.

As I noted recently, I was born and raised in China, Texas, but seeing the "real" China, has been a special treat.

There is a teacher I know from the UAE who is also in Beijing this week, and we're touring the city together.

Today we visited the Great Wall.

First some thoughts about the city.

Our guide said there are 25 million people living in Beijing.  Wikipedia states the number at around 21 million.  I'm guessing her number includes the suburbs.

With that many people, I expected to see massive crowds, and a congested city. Neither was evident as we were out and about.  In fact, New York City and San Francisco both "feel" more crowded than Beijing.

Bicycles were everywhere, competing for road space.  There are bike lanes, and in some areas, there are barriers to separate the bikers from automotive traffic.

They drive like we do in the US, and the driving is civil.  Nobody was racing or creating lanes.

The weather was spectacular with crystal clear blue skies.  This was fantastic because sometimes the air can be so thick with fog/smog, you can hardly see your hands in front of you.  It was a brisk day, about 60 degrees when we started out in the morning, warming nicely midday, then cooling off again as the sun was setting.

Now, the Great Wall . . .

Is absolutely as magnificent as I imagined.  Of course, we only saw a small section of the more than 13,000 miles of it, but the views of this area of the wall, and the views of the countryside from this area, were breathtakingly beautiful.

Tomorrow we're off to see the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square.

More soon. 

Learning New Tricks

This is a quick (five minute) TED Talk with some pretty cool tricks to save you time on your computer and on your phone.

I learned a lot!

Check it out at the link below.

http://video-subtitle.tedcdn.com/talk/podcast/2013U/None/DavidPogue_2013U-480p-en.mp4

Football

 I couldn't help loving football with all of the testosterone in my world.  I don't know the rules, and don't pay attention to the positions, but I love the game nonetheless.

Ben and Frankie played in high school.

However, when I saw this documentary linked below, on the dangers of concussions caused by the repeated hits by football players, it changed my mind completely.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/league-of-denial/

It is an hour and a half long, but worth every moment to see the extent of the damage to players, and the extent of the NFL in denying those damages.

If there's a hell, these folks representing the NFL are in the fast lane heading there.

Just as it was mentioned in the piece, this level of denial is reminiscent of the tobacco companies and their denial of the harm tobacco posed to smokers.

Something radically different needs to change in the way the game is played.

Success on the field is not worth an early grave, or a lifetime of pain and suffering, to the players.

That price is too high.

If I had known then what I know now, Ben and Frankie would not have played football, at all.

No question about it.  Football would have been off limits to them.

I'm convinced, if enough moms say no to this in the formative years, it will bring this game to it's knees, demanding changes to protect the players.

But it will take more than that.  Football is big business.  As long as there's greed associated with this game, there will be folks who will go to extremes to protect their investment, no matter how much harm is being done.

Remember this when you're enjoying the games this weekend.

My Journey

This post requires your patience.  I'm noting dates and places, more for me than for you.  As I was jotting these down recently, it took a minute to remember all of the dates.

So here goes . . .

1956 - 1974 = China, TX.  This is where I was born and raised.
1974 - 1979 = Tallahassee, FL.  These are my college years at Florida A & M Univ.
1979           = Married in Corpus Christie, TX
1979 - 1982 = Patuxent River, MD.  This was our first Navy duty station.
1981           = Ben was born in Maryland.
1982 - 1985 = Columbia, SC.  This was our second duty station.
1983           = Frankie was born in South Carolina.
1985 - 1987 = Lakehurst, NJ.  This was our last Navy duty station.
1987 - 1989 = Tulsa, OK.  Frank attended Rhema Bible College.
1989 - 2011 = Sacramento, CA.  Ben and Frankie were 8 and 6 when we arrived.
1999           = Divorced

This information bubbled up in my mind as I read an interesting article about Oral Robert's grandson who discussed growing up gay.  His descriptions of his "Christian" life brought back a lot of memories.  The link is below.

http://thislandpress.com/11/18/2012/something-good-is-going-to-happen-to-you/?read=complete

I was raised Catholic.  Frank was not raised in any religion, so it was an easy decision to be married in the Catholic church.

Soon after though, Frank delved deeply into "spirituality" for lack of a better term, and being the dutiful wife, I followed.

By the time we arrived in New Jersey, we were immersed in the Charismatic movement.  This also marked the only time we lived close to family.  We were about two hours south of where Frank was born and raised in New York.  So, we found a church in that area, and trekked that four hour round trip every Sunday.  Frank's sister and her sons, just a year or two older than Ben and Frankie, also went to this church.  This was the first time our guys were able to interact with any of their relatives, on either side of our families, so it was a real treat.  It made the trips doable and bearable.

When we left the Navy, Frank attended Rhema Bible Church, with the intention of becoming a pastor.  As I have said many times, God knew I cuss way too much to ever be a preacher's wife.

Thankfully, as luck would have it, flying opportunities came up as we were deciding where to go after Oklahoma, and that led us to Sacramento.  Frank was working for United, based in San Francisco, but we couldn't afford to live in the Bay Area, so we settled in Sacramento.

We found a local church, and was very active in it, quickly moving into leadership roles.

Then, the incident with Ben's haircut, at Capitol Christian School, brought out the true colors of the church/school leaders there, and of the leaders of our congregation.  We were encouraged and expected to back off and not "air the dirty laundry" publicly.  The publicity was not helping either church, but it was especially damaging to Capitol Christian, the church that oversaw the school.

Some of the most painful, hurtful, disappointing times in my life, happened at the hands of Christians.  The way we were treated was appalling. So, I wiped my hands of the whole bunch.

This was also the tipping point in our marriage, and marked the beginning of the end. Honestly, we had been heading this way for years, this just sealed the deal that Frank and I were moving in different directions.

I stopped going to church then, in 1995, and didn't return with any regularity until 2011.

I was angry and disappointed with "church folks."  They represented God, so I was angry and disappointed with God.

This was my state of mind in 2005, when Ben had the accident.  The hospital chaplain came around a couple of times, but I was rude and nasty to him.  I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.

There is no doubt, Ben's recovery was miraculous, but it was years before I could thank God for getting us through those tough, tough times.

Now I'm at a place - believing in God - in a greater way than I ever have.

What changed?

Me.

I chose to forgive . . . myself, others, even God.

And that forgiveness changed me and brought me to this place of peace.

So, that's my journey.

What's yours?




   

Priceless!

These are actual comments received by a tour company.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blogdramedy/idiotic-travel-complaints_b_4073107.html

Foggy

When I entered the underground parking garage today, the first thing I noticed was the air.  It was thick and sticky.

When I exited the garage, I saw the fog.

Usually foggy-looking weather is just sand that's swirling around, kicking up a fine dust.  Today's fog was the real thing.

This is significant because we very rarely have any change in weather.  It is bright and sunny 99% of the time.  Any deviation from that stands out.

Also important is the temperature.  On the extended forecast, it looks like today will be the last day of triple digit weather.  Thank God!

Side note - Sports are really big here.  Soccer (referred to as football) is the biggest with a brand new stadium just completed, probably followed in popularity by rugby (looks like a combination of soccer and football, with no pads) and cricket (looks like baseball with a flat bat).  Each sport has it's own field.  Golf is also very popular with the ex-pat community.  I had dinner at the golf clubhouse recently, and this was the first time I'd seen this sports complex.  It is very impressive.  It appears to be top notch facilities.

Side note 2 - The cycle 2/3 schools (grades 6-12) all have olympic size pools. Interestingly, they are not in use.  I'm not sure if it's because there are no swim instructors, or if there is a concern about wearing swimwear.  At the beaches in Dubai, local women can be seen playing in the water in their abayas (the long black dresses), next to ex-pats in string bikinis.  Dubai is definitely more lenient in their dress code.  As it works hard to become the vacation destination in the Middle East, it tends to be more tolerant of what they would consider inappropriate dress.

Side note 3 - Perfume and incense are sold everywhere . . . in the grocery stores, malls, souks.  Both for men and women.  Gifts are almost always perfume or chocolate (more on that in a minute).  Bottles of perfume are in the toilets in the state-owned airlines.

Side note 4 - There are at least three stores that sell chocolate on every block (OK, maybe not that many, but there are a lot).  The chocolate is displayed beautifully. Cubes of it are individually wrapped, typically arranged on a platter, made into a mountain, then wrapped in fancy bows.  Chocolate displays like this are in most offices, and are given as birth presents, and are bought and shared for monumental events, like the purchase of a car.

Side note 5 - Unlike Saudi Arabia where women were just allowed to drive, most of the local women here can drive themselves, although many of them have drivers. One of my ex-pat friends, a principal who worked out in one of the remote areas, had a driver.  He picked her up in the morning and he stayed all day at school (there is a lounge for drivers at most schools).  Then he would take her shopping, and any other place she needed to go.  He worked 12-hour shifts, and he drove his own car. For the local women, the drivers use their cars.

And finally . . .

Side note 5 - There are two things I'm still trying to get use to after almost two years . . . the workweek beginning on Sunday (the weekend is Friday/Saturday) and the Arabic books, magazines, brochures, etc., are printed from right to left.  So what we would consider the back of the book, is the front for Arabic speakers.  The local weekly magazines are printed in both languages, beginning with English, and then halfway through the book, it changes into Arabic.  They begin reading at the back, working their way to the middle where the English ends.

That's it for now.

Good night to you.

Good morning to me.

Great History Lessons

Instead of dressing up like a princess, this Mom had her daughter dress as famous women.  Who doesn't like make believe?  This was a clever way to have fun and teach her child about these fabulous women.

https://www.upworthy.com/see-the-5-kick-ass-women-this-mom-dressed-her-daughter-as-instead-of-a-disney-princess?c=upw1

Great history lessons indeed!

Google Executive

It is refreshing to see this African-American woman, who is an executive at Google.

Check her out below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/04/the-one-place-this-google_n_4026079.html 

More Random Thoughts

Thought #6 (continued from previous post)

A child born in the UAE does not get UAE citizenship unless the father is Emirati.  If that is not the case, the child would assume the citizenship of his or her father. Getting a birth certificate is a tedious process, so many women go back to their home countries for the birth of their babies to avoid any problems.

Thought #7

An unwed woman who gets pregnant is advised to leave the country as soon as possible, or risk jail time for herself and her child.  If she remains here, she will be jailed for a length of time determined by the courts, then she and her baby would be deported, never to return.  If she leaves before the pregnancy is discovered, she would be able to return alone, without her child, if she so desired.

Thought #8

Homosexual activities are a crime here, punishable by fines, jail time, deportation, and even the death penalty.  See this link:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_United_Arab_Emirates

Interesting, right?

OK.

On this happy note, I'll end.

Random Thoughts

Thought #1

For those of you enjoying the briskness of fall weather, think of me each time you reach for your sweater or jacket.  The heat here is still in triple digits (106 today), with no end in sight.  To be fair though, it feels a lot cooler when compared to 120. So, yes, we're thankful for 106.

Thought #2

It occurred to me recently that Ben and Frankie have never met their cousins, my oldest brother's kids, who are now 47 and 50 years old.  My brother Terry and I were closest to them in age, but their mother didn't appreciate the tight rein my folks had on us, so their visits were rare.  I can count the times on one hand that I've seen them.  It's a shame really, but it is what it is.

Thought #3

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm reading, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell.  It is about how people, when faced with a disadvantage, oftentimes propelled themselves to greatness, in spite, or maybe because of, the difficulties.  One example resonated with me.  He described a man who was raised in the Midwest by parents who survived the Great Depression.  He was raised to appreciate money, and the importance of saving money.  As a young child he worked for his neighbors mowing grass, raking leaves, and shoveling snow.  Business was so good, he hired some of his friends. He maintained this business all through high school.  He went to college, ended up in Hollywood, and became a huge success, using some of the skills and talents he learned as a child.  He has a family and wanted to teach his kids the value of money that he learned while growing up.  However, his kids will never learn these lessons, to the degree that he did because they have never wanted for anything.  So, the disadvantage of growing up poor caused him to look for and create ways to succeed.  And, the advantage of living in abundance, turned out to be a disadvantage for his kids, in learning those same lessons.  This book is very interesting and very highly recommended.

Thought #4

Scandal, the TV show, premiered season three this week.  It was well worth the wait.  If you're not a Gladiator yet, you're missing some delicious fun.  Check out seasons one and two and see for yourself what all the fuss is about.

Thought #5

Random thoughts bring to mind, random acts of kindness.  Being on the receiving end is nice, but being the giver of random acts of kindness is even nicer.  Make someone's day today.  Smile.  Strike up a conversation.  Let someone go ahead of you in line.  Buy the coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks.  Pay someone's toll.  Feed someone's expired meter.  Small gestures mean a lot, sometimes more than you'll ever know.

Here's wishing you a happy day.

Guilty!

I am guilty as charged for being a super proud grandma who wants to share my joy with the world.

So, here are two more pictures of my girls.

Zadie & Frankie working hard

Milu enjoying the pumpkin patch

Recurring Theme

I'm reading an absolutely phenomenal book, Malcolm Gladwell's latest,
David and Goliath:  Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants.

It never ceases to be amaze me how Mr. Gladwell takes extraordinarily complex theories, and makes them easy enough for me to understand.

This man has a great gift, and I'm grateful to be a beneficiary of it.

I downloaded the book yesterday, and I'm more than halfway through it.  And as much as I want to finish it, I am compelled to pause and write about forgiveness . . . again.

The first notion that comes to mind when forgiveness takes over my thought life is . . .

Where have I missed the mark?

Who do I need to forgive?

Family, friends, strangers?

If no other person comes to mind . . . do I need to forgive myself?

There is no one that is harder on me than I am on myself.

When I blow it, I used to beat myself up.  Now, I'm still tough on me, but I temper my response with some hard-earned wisdom.  

Things used to derail me.

Now.  Not so much.

It's not that I care less, it's just that I'm understanding more and more that "this to shall pass."

I've learned to be kind to me.

I recognize the areas in my life that need help, and I work at making the necessary adjustments.

Now, I strive to treat myself, the way I strive to treat others, with patience and understanding.

I would never intentionally try to hurt someone, and yet it was OK for me to intentionally degrade and hurt myself.

Nope.

Not anymore.

So, what's the bottom line here?

Be quick to forgive others, no matter what.

And . . .

Be quick to forgive yourself, too, no matter what.

Because . . .

No matter how we may have blown it, if we're lucky, we can ask for forgiveness from others, and ourselves.  Then, we can choose to take a mulligan, learn from our mistakes, and try again.

Thank God for the "do overs."

Good night to you.

Good day to me.

The Importance of Talking to Kids

One of the things I'll always remember from my time as principal of a socio-economically depressed school, was how many of the kindergarteners arrived lacking language.  Our ESL (English as a Second Language) students were much more fluent, and had more language and language skills, than our EO (English Only) students.

It was as if the EO's were hearing language for the first time when they arrived at school.

How could that be, you ask?

Well, how is language acquired?

In these formative years, mostly though conversation.

So, it stands to reason, our EO's were engaged in conversation at a much lower rate than other kids.

Even if they had been raised in front of the TV, if they watched Sesame Street every now and then, they would have acquired some language.

And yet, they were beginning this academic marathon, already miles behind.

It was a common site around campus to see many of the moms walking their kids to school, which was great, but instead of chatting with their children, they were engrossed in cell phone conversations.  So, they were talking, just not to their kids.

Of course, I'm painting with a broad brush, which I should not do, but this description could accurately describe over 90% of the EO kids.

Why is this gap so wide when we look at affluent students versus poor students?

I suppose part of the issue is, many poor parents are busy about the business of providing for their families, and thus are away from home a lot more, and are maybe too tired to engage their kids when they get home.

But that description did not hold true for the parents at this school.  Most of them did not work because having a job would have interfered with their welfare stipend. (That, I might add, is a serious flaw in the system.  Every able-bodied person should be required to work for any government support.).

So these folks had the time to invest in their kids, but for the most part, chose not to.  Or maybe they just didn't understand the help they would be providing their kids simply by engaging them in conversation.

Anyway, reading this article linked below, took me back to that school and that neighborhood, where my desire to make a difference was far greater than any tangible success.

It takes more than hard work to make a positive impact on academic achievement because if it was just hard work, many of our failing schools would be successful.

No, it takes more.  Much, much more.

I think it takes a shift in mindset.  The kids have to come to school appreciating and valuing education, and that is learned at home.  Whether parents can help their kids with schoolwork or not, is irrelevant.  What matters most are the parents teaching their kids the importance of education.  Until that happens, we'll only see random, isolated success stories in schools serving the poor.

In education, we talk a lot about collaboration, but the most important collaboration is between home and school, with everyone working on the same page, focused on the same goal.

Some would say I'm blaming the parents for the failure of schools.  I disagree.  I'm simply saying parents can no longer passively stand by while educators pull out every trick in the book to teach their kids.  All of us, the school, the parents, and the kids, have to have a vested interest in a positive academic outcome.   When this happens, the tide will turn and the chances of finding successful schools serving poor students will be the norm, rather than the exception.

Until then, we'll keep plowing along, hoping for the best.


http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/09/children_s_language_development_talk_and_listen_to_them_from_birth.single.html

Great TED Talk

The presenter is Freeman Hrabowski and he is the president of University of Maryland, Baltimore County.  He explains his university's outreach to increase minority students in the areas of math and science.  What they discovered is that their four-point focus helps not just minority students, but all students, and the results prove it.  They have one of the highest graduation rates in the US of students with degrees in math and science.

It is easy to get discouraged by the progress, or lack thereof, in education today. This message was a shot in the arm, a boost to continue to find ways to help all kids succeed.

It's worth watching.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/15/opinion/hrabowski-minority-scientists/index.html?hpt=op_bn2

Obamacare Simplied

I got it.

Here's hoping this clip will help you, too, understand Obamacare, and the differences you can expect when it rolls out.

https://www.upworthy.com/the-simplest-explanation-of-obamacare-ever

Really, what has all the fuss been about?

Dubai

This quick video (less than two minutes) highlights the extremes in Dubai.

Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRHCTKOGDnA&list=UUKWNmkPKEKcKWyMskssytGg

Overcoming Obstacles

This article is a reminder that these esteemed folks dealt with some serious obstacles before they achieved success.

How many powerful folks of the next generation are waiting to debut their talents?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/successful-people-obstacles_n_3964459.html

Battered Men

Several days ago, I posted a link about battered women and the ripple effects of this on the greater society.  But my family knows first hand, that abuse against men is just as real.

This article is an example.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/24/when-men-are-battered/

The Land of Geniuses

The MacArthur "Genius" Grants were announced today.  It is an incredible group of folks from a wide range of disciplines.

Check out the links below.

The first one gives information about the grants.  The second list the honorees. Please note the ladies. Many are rocking the hard sciences.

http://www.macfound.org/fellows-faq/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/25/macarthur-fellows-2013_n_3977420.html

The Afro Comb Exhibit

I stumbled upon this article today about an exhibit featuring afro combs at Cambridge University.

Fascinating history!

Check it out below.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/23/cambridge-university-hosts-major-exhibition-devoted-to-afro-combs/#s:black-fist-comb

Nudged into Change

I think it's safe to say, most of us like our routines, doing the same things, the same way, every day.  But, we also recognize that change is inevitable.  Even when it's planned and we know it's coming, change can bring with it plenty of anxiety.

Recently, say the last five years or so, I've come to appreciate change so much more.

Sometimes, in order to move from where we are to something better, we go through difficult times.  Of course, we can't see over the horizon, when things get better.  All we see is what we face every day. Sometimes this stuff is our fault, and sometimes it's other folks causing the disruption.

The typical reaction is to push back to maintain the status quo at all cost.

However, I've come to the place where I'm understanding - sometimes when crazy stuff happens - it's happening to move us from one place to another.  Chances are, we wouldn't have made that move without a nudge, or a flat out push.

But then, we find ourselves faced with a new reality.  A new job.  A new home.  A new city.  New friends.  New everything.

No matter how we got there, now we have to figure out what we're going to do - make the most of it, or cry and complain.

I've tried both ways, and I can testify, making the most of it is so much better. Trust me on that one.

So, sometimes when aggravating people invade our world, especially when they're aggravating bosses, we have to make a decision.  Do we live with the craziness that makes for a intolerable work environment, or do we step out, in faith, exploring other options, and hope for the best?

These decisions can be tough for single folks, but I think they're especially tough for people with families.  The decisions that are made will affect everyone in the household.

It was discontentment and poor treatment that caused me to explore other options for employment.  If I'd been happy, chances are, I'd still be in Sacramento.

But when the crazy stuff started to happen, that gave me permission, if you will, to seek a job/happiness, elsewhere.

That, of course, led to this, and this has been great.

Has it been perfect?  Far from it, but it has allowed me to explore the world in ways I never imagined.

Change is tough, but living in misery is a lot tougher.

I honestly believe there is something each of us was born to do.

Find that, and you find happiness, peace, and contentment.

Will it be perfect?

No.

But when you wake up excited to start the day, you'll know you're moving in the right direction.

OK.

That's it.

This concludes my sermon for today.

And the choir said, "Thank God."

I heard that!!!

That's a Keeper!

A five year old gets an absence excuse from President Obama.  That's one she needs to keep.  She's too cute!  Check them out below.

https://socialreader.com/me/content/Bsolk?chid=2476&_p=trending&utm_source=wp&utm_medium=Widgets&utm_campaign=wpsrTrendingExternal-1-opt

Fifty Cent Bets

I am blessed with terrific people in my life.  Every place I've lived or visited, I've been touched by amazing people.

Today I want to tell you about one of them.

We met more than ten years ago, when I landed my first principalship.  She was the office manager at the school.

Now, the most important person on any school campus is the office manager.  She keeps things running smoothly through all of the normal school days, but especially during the wild and crazy ones.  She is the anchor of the building.

This lady was that and so much more.

She could teach a class on organization.  Her system was impeccable.  She had a folder or binder for everything, and could find things at the drop of a hat.  I know seeing my piles caused her heart to palpitate a little faster, but she was patient and kind, as she rolled her eyes at my messy areas.

She was a wiz with the school finances.  Schools have several funding sources with each having specific guidelines on how the money is spent.  She was a walking encyclopedia of budgeting knowledge.

She was an excellent ambassador for the school, the community, and me.  She was the first person someone saw when they entered our building, and they were always greeted with a warm, genuine smile.  You see, whoever is out front, the first person that folks see when they enter your world, is a reflection on you.  If they're friendly and helpful, it reflects on you.  If they're snotty and rude, that reflects on you, too.

She had this incredible sense that allowed her to know what I needed before I knew I needed it.  She anticipated my needs, and had things prepared for it, before I even knew what to ask for.  This was an absolutely amazing gift.

She was my sounding board.  She provided a level-headed, objective point of view. I trusted her judgement and knew she would tell me the truth, whether I wanted to hear it or not.  Everyone needs someone like this in their world.

And . . .

She was the absolute best when it came to the 50 cent bets.  We would bet about silly things, like whether the next person walking through the door would have on glasses or not.  Really silly stuff, but it was so much fun.  Actually, the bets started off as five dollar bets, but after loosing the first ten dollars to her, it was changed to fifty cents.  We both kept a supply of quarters on our desks because the bets had to be settled immediately.  No IOU's allowed.  I know it all sounds silly, but that little game helped to keep the office a fun place to be in the hotbed of stress that was an ever present thing.

I've had office managers before and after this lady, and I loved them all . . . but she was one of a kind.

Please join me in raising a glass to my dear friend Deb.

Jerusalem

Whatever your stand is on Israel, from a religious or political standpoint, the video clip linked below shows stunning aerial shots of the city of Jerusalem.

http://vimeo.com/15034110

I was hoping to get to Israel when I was in Jordan, but as I've mentioned before, the UAE doesn't recognize Israel as a country.  Getting my passport stamped there would have prevented my re-entry to the UAE.  I'm told you get around this by having a piece of paper for the stamp, that can be discarded, so there is no evidence of the visit.  In spite of this, Israel remains on my bucket list.

Enjoy.

Atheist vs. Christian

An intriguing debate.

https://www.upworthy.com/a-debate-between-an-atheist-and-a-christian-has-quite-a-surprising-result?c=upw1

Fascinating Study on Addicts

This study shows that when given a choice, crack and meth addicts, can show restraint for their drug of choice.

Very, very interesting.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/17/science/the-rational-choices-of-crack-addicts.html?hp

Side note - The author is the guy pictured.  He's 46!  Seriously, he is a great example of the cliche that "black don't crack."  Brother man looks great for his age.

My Youngest Sweetie Pie!

Plus Mommy & Daddy

Milu @ 8.5 months

The Ripple Effect of Battered Women

This is the story of a young boy who watched in horror as his Mom was beaten, again and again.  And this is the story of the lengths that someone will go to, to make to the terrorizing beatings stop.

http://www.salon.com/2013/09/14/i_had_it_in_me_to_kill_him/?source=newsletter

Of course this brings up many other questions, like . . .

When do the beatings start?

Why would anyone stick around after that first one?

Why do some women feel like any man, no matter how bad they are treated, is better than no man?

How many times does someone have to be mistreated to decide that enough is enough?

Is it the shame that victims feel that keeps them quiet?

Or, is it the threat of even more violence if these horrors are revealed that makes them mum?

Some how, some way, we must expose this behavior by uncovering it and hope that the victims have the courage to step away and stay away.

And . . . without a doubt, the aggressors must be punished.

My recommendation?

A public flogging, to shame them and beat the sh*t out of them.

Please pardon my French.

The Power of Kindness

This commercial from Thailand has a universal message that needs to be shared far and wide.  Please pass it on.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/13/tear-jerker-truemove-thai-commercial_n_3922857.html

Weird Customs

Weird to us, normal for them.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/14/weird-cultural-differences_n_3875360.html?ref=topbar

New Phone Concept

Very intriguing.

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/09/13/that-last-phone-youll-ever-buy/

My Oldest Sweetie Pie!

What a little lady!  Ready to conquer the world!

Zadie Faye at 2 years, 10 months

A Special Grace

I believe that God bestows a special grace on new parents.  Especially new parents who are absolutely clueless about babies and how to raise them.

This is the state I was in when Ben was born.

I was the youngest in my family, so there were no siblings to practice on.  And I never babysat while growing up.  So when Ben arrived, 32 years ago, this September 16th, God made him especially tough.

There's a picture of him taken at a week old, with an expression that said, "please figure this out soon."

I was determined to breast feed him, and boy, was that colorful!  My breasts were huge, but there was only a trickle of milk coming out of them.  Ben would nurse for a few minutes and then scream for me to just give him a bottle already, which of course, I did.

Neither of my guys were big milk drinkers, but Ben loved juice.  He went to bed with juice and woke up with juice.  It is absolutely miraculous that his teeth didn't rot.

In spite of my ineptitude, Ben was a happy baby.  He always woke up with a smile. It was like he was rewarding me for effort, when we both knew I had no idea what I was doing.

For instance, it didn't occur to me when he started to roll around, that he could fall off the bed.  The first time it happened, (yes, it happened more than once), I said a special prayer, thanking God for making him tough.

When Ben started to talk, one of the first things he said was, "I'm always on duty," from the cartoon, Inspector Gadget, which I finally figured out when I was watching it with him one day.  Was the TV babysitting him?  I'd like to say no, but his first words prove otherwise.

So this was the start of Ben's growing adventure.

I believe most first born kids are like science projects that we hope will turn out OK.  And so it was with Ben.

But, in spite of it all . . .

He made it.

And not only did he survive, he thrived.

I am so proud of the man he has become, knowing that he made it in spite of my ignorance.

Happy birthday Ben.

Love, Mom

The Return of the Afro

Don't you love how we recycle styles?

What was old is new again, and the kids sporting the "new" look are surprised when we old timers remind them that it's from "back in the day?"

On that note, please allow me to present . . .

The Afros of Yesterday, Today, & Tomorrow

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/12/dante-de-blasio-brings-back-the-fro-thegrios-favorite-afros-of-all-time/#s:jackson-51

I Love This Guy!

Outspoken, outrageous, and fiercely talented . . . Mr. Andre Leon Tally, fashion editor icon.

http://thegrio.com/2013/09/11/andre-leon-talley-slams-russell-simmons-he-should-not-be-front-row-at-fashion-week/#52985999

Colored Folks & Camping

Camping is not high on the list of things to do for most Black folks.  This is not news, but there was a recent article about it that garnered some attention and feedback.

It was very interesting.  Check out the link below.

http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/09/12/the-great-white-outdoors-ctd-2/

I was reminded of an annual camping field trip that many of the students in Sacramento schools participated in.

The kids' loved it.

White kids.  Black kids.  Hispanic kids.

They all loved it and were so excited about going.

As the kids boarded the buses on the day of the trip, I gave them a hearty wave as they left for the campgrounds about forty miles away.

I had absolutely no desire to see it.

Side note - Likewise, I had no desire to spend the night at the zoo with another group of kids.  I stayed with them through dinner, then again said my goodbyes.

Sleeping with the critters?

No thanks.

Now, getting back to camping story . . .

I did end up driving to the campground on my last year at this school.

Honestly, I was shamed in to going.

If the principal of the schools visited his/her kids while they were camping, the camp would pay the fee for a student to attend the next year.  This was a big deal because the school/kids had to pay a fee, which was pretty steep for many of our families.

This would be my first trip in my third year as principal.

So, feeling the pressure, I went.

With each passing mile, I knew the chances of seeing folks who looked like me was getting slimmer and slimmer.  That image was unsettling.

Remember, I was raised in the segregated South where images of ugly stuff happening to folks who ventured out of their "assigned" areas could result in bad things happening.

Right or wrong, that's what I was thinking.

So . . .

When I was about five miles or so from the campground, the route called for me to turn off the main road, onto two-lane winding roads.

Although it was luscious green and very scenic, the only thing I was thinking about was how dark it must be at night, as there were no street lights, and the homes and businesses were sparsely scattered throughout.  You could drive a while before seeing any people/critters, etc.

After trying unsuccessfully to push those negative thoughts to the back of my mind, I made it to the camp.  My kids were tickled pink to see me, and my visit guaranteed another student would be able to go next year.

Did I ever consider going back?

No.

Would I consider camping in the future?

Probably not.

Is it because I'm Black?

Maybe.

Will the kids of color who experienced this want to do it again?

Statistics says no.

If they don't, will it be because they're Black/Hispanic?

Who knows?

Remember when Oprah and Gayle went camping to shed light on this absence of colored folks in the national parks?

Did they change any minds?

If Oprah can't get us to be one with nature, who can?

Little Help?

These two teams could use a hand.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/11/record-rugby-defeat_n_3909493.html?utm_hp_ref=sports

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/10/fire-kiffin-chants-usc-fans-lane_n_3896449.html?utm_hp_ref=sports

What Would You Do?

This soldier gives a great response to a man's harassment of a Muslim.

Check it out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/11/american-soldier-anti-mus_n_3906743.html

Thirty Years Ago

It was thirty years ago this Tuesday, September 10th, that I gave birth to Frankie. He was a premie, born a month early.

This was a difficult pregnancy, considered high risk.

The previous year I gave birth to our baby girl Lydia, who lived only two weeks.  She had a multitude of medical issues, the most serious of which was having only one kidney, and that one was diseased.

After Lydia's death, the doctors suggested that we wait a while to have another child so that we could deal with all that had happened.  However, I knew if we waited, I would have been too frightened to try again.  So, against medical advice, I was pregnant with Frankie a couple of months later.

Two years earlier, when I was pregnant with Ben, I had surgery in my fifth month, and spent most of the last trimester on bed rest.

With Lydia, a year later, I was fine, but she had problems.

Now with Frankie, I had placenta previa, which was a serious condition with the potential of maternal hemorrhaging before or during labor.

We were in the Navy at this time, and had orders to go to the Philippines, but they were changed because the hospital there didn't have a neonatal intensive care unit. The orders were changed to Columbia, South Carolina instead.

Shortly after arriving in South Carolina, we purchased a home that we were so excited about. We moved in and in the excitement, I moved something too heavy and started to bleed.  I was hospitalized for observation, then discharged with the order of no heavy lifting, moving etc.  Ben was always big for his age and at two years old, he was already a bruiser.  But he was two, so not picking him up every now and then was a challenge.  At any rate, I promised to be on my best behavior and was discharged.

Of course, when I returned home, there was still furniture to move, and a toddler to care for.

So, you know what happened, right?

Yep, I managed to move something and I started to bleed again.  This time when I was hospitalized, no amount of begging changed the doctor's mind.  So, I spent the last month of the pregnancy in the hospital.  It would have been two if I made it to full term.  This was before the drive-by medical service that is the norm today.

Now I knew what it was like to lose a child, so you would think I would have erred on the side of caution.  Only God knows what I was thinking.

While in the hospital the second time, I continued to bleed off and on, and after checking Frankie's vital organs, it was determined that he would be OK if delivered early, so the doctor said if I started to bleed again, they would do a caesarian section.

On a beautiful Saturday morning, with this plan in place, the bleeding resumed, and I was prepped for surgery.  I called Frank, but he had to get Ben to a sitter before he could arrive.  By the time he got there, Frankie was born.

He was a beautiful little guy, but he looked so much like his sister, that the first couple of weeks were filled with mixed emotions.  We were thrilled he was here and healthy, but he looked so much like Lydia, he was also a reminder of our loss.

When he moved past the two weeks mark that Lydia lived, he came into his own.

When Ben met Frankie, he was absolutely thrilled with his new brother.  He had one of the biggest smiles ever when he saw him the first time.  That admiration continued until Frankie started to smile, and then Ben was through with him, but it was great while it lasted.

We settled into a routine where Frankie and I spent a lot of time together, while Ben was in preschool and Frank was at work.  He and I would take a walk everyday.  He loved being outside.

With Ben as his role model, he learned everything quicker.  He walked at ten months, while Ben didn't walk until he was a year old.  It was like that with all of the growth markers.  It was like he was rushing to catch up with Ben.

It's hard to believe that it's been thirty years.

I remember this time like it was yesterday.

I was 27 years old, with two baby boys.  Ben at 2 and Frankie a newborn.

When Frankie and Cara were expecting Zadie, I thought he was too young to be a father.  Of course, he reminded me that I had both he and Ben by this same age. And of course, he was right.

My advice to everyone with little ones is . . . enjoy them.  Spend time with them. Laugh with them.  Listen to them.  And love them like there's no tomorrow because if you're lucky, in the blink of an eye, they'll be grown, having kids of their own . . . like my baby boy.

Happy birthday Frankie.

Love, Mom

Before Blacks Ruled Basketball

Let's call this Sports Week.

Yesterday's post was about football.  Today its basketball.

In both of these stories, it is so much more than just the game.  It is about our society at that time and how sports were influenced by it.

Check out the story out below.

http://www.theroot.com/views/blacks-ruled-college-game?wpisrc=root_lightbox

For those of you who think this sports stuff is off base, remember - I only have brothers, and only have sons.  I'm into sports by default.

Cheers.

The Evolution of the Black Quarterbacks

This is a fascinating article on the long road traveled to the breakthrough of the first black college quarterback.  It was heartwarming to see my alma mater, Florida A & M University, played a vital, although unheralded, role in the process.

http://www.slate.com/articles/sports/sports_nut/2013/09/breaking_the_line_how_football_s_racial_breakthroughs_of_1967_paved_the.single.html

Reunited

Here's an update on Ruby Bridges, the six year old who helped to integrate New Orleans schools in 1960.  She recently met with one of the men who was charged with protecting her.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/ruby-bridges-marshal-photo_n_3877473.html

Read All About It . . .

"Addresses for Every Home in Abu Dhabi by 2015"

http://www.thenational.ae/news/uae-news/address-for-every-home-by-2015?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=Daily%2BNewsletter%2B05-09-2013

In Support of Gay Marriage

This Australian politician nails it.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-pastor-asks-a-politician-why-he-supports-gay-marriage-it-seems-he-wasnt-prepared-for-his-reply?c=upw1

This Kid is My Hero

This young man started a company two years ago that is worth $3.5 million!

Check him out for yourself.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/03/jaylen-bledsoe_n_3860585.html?utm_hp_ref=black-voices&ir=Black%20Voices

Living Dangerously

As I was driving home today, a car pulled up quickly behind me, then raced to pass me, only to have to slow down, or in this case stop, for the roundabout traffic a half mile away.  I pulled up behind this guy, but decided to get in another lane, at the last minute.  Thank God I did.

I was sitting third behind a crane truck and a 15-seat van.  We were waiting a while to move, although the traffic was clear to go.  When we did finally move, I could see there was an accident.  The car racing pass me had flipped over.  Scores of people stopped to help, but I did not, knowing that I would only be in the way of the emergency response teams getting through.

My heart ached for this silly man.  What could have been going on in his life that was so important he felt the needed to drive like a bat out of hell?

There is a real issue with speeding here.  It is especially dangerous because of the huge, heavy vehicles on the roads, and as I've stated before, folks don't wear seat belts and kids are not secured in car seats.  So when there is an accident, and there are many, it is nothing short of miraculous when people survive.

Country-wide initiatives are ongoing in an effort to educate the masses on the dangers of reckless driving.  I can't see where they have been much help.

On a positive note, witnessing this crazy driving has caused me to be especially vigilant behind the wheel.

Here's hoping that your world is calm and safe.

Visiting Cuba . . .

Is on my bucket list.

It's time we, as a nation, called the powers that be in Cuba, and declared a truce. This bad blood between us has gone on long enough.  Both sides need to apologize for the wrongs, and move on.

Some would say it's much more complicated than that.

I say, "Hog wash."

We simply need to get pass the past, agree to disagree, and move on.

In celebration of that thought, check out the pictures out of Cuba at the end of this link.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-goldman/faces-of-cuba_b_3823598.html

Let's do like Larry the Cable Guy, and git-r-done!

An Amazing Message

This young man was suppose to speak at the March on Washington, but the other speakers ran over and he was cut.  He has a message that needs to be heard.

Listen.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/30/phillip-agnew-march-on-washington_n_3842281.html

Adorable!

I love this little guy!  Check out his facial expressions.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/29/orangutan-baby-rickina-video_n_3839162.html

Climate Change

If there was any doubt global warming is real, Hurricane Sandy should have muzzled all of the folks who deny this.  As you know, of course, it did not.

Below is a video of a fabulous suggestion that should be heeded when naming this new extreme weather.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-probably-the-funniest-most-effective-way-to-deal-with-people-who-ignore-science-facts-ever-2?c=upw1

Who Knew . . .

That reading GQ magazine could be so much fun?

I stumbled on an article that was featured in the September issue that was really well written, so I decided to take the plunge and check out the whole magazine.

It did not disappoint.

I'm only half way through, but . . .

There are great articles, interspersed with wonderful ads of sharply dressed men, modeling clothes that make you wanna scream, "Yes, Lord!"

Of course, the guys look like they're 12, but still.

So, for all of you men who aspire to be "GQ ready," subscribe today.

Ben & Frankie, your subscriptions (and early birthday gifts) are on the way.

And . . .

For all you ladies who enjoy a little drooling from time to time, this one is for you, too.

Side note - I never quite understood the allure of naked folks (OK, men), but well-dressed folks (yes, men) . . .  well that's another story.  I don't think there are naked folks featured in this magazine, but if there are, a swift swipe on my iPad will quickly eliminate them from my reading/gazing pleasure.

Side note 2 - I used to get on my guys for walking around in the streets with no shirts, especially after a workout at the gym. I used to preach to them that it was ghetto to strut like that and that no one was interested in their tatted up brown bodies.  My mantra was, "If you don't see me naked from the waist up walking around town, then you shouldn't be either.  Well, needless to say, it was one of the many battles I lost.

Side note 3 - I've always heard Playboy magazine has good articles.  What do you think?  Shall I try that one next?

Super Heroes & Super Solutions?

For the super hero in your life, comes the really cool SuperMe Backpacks.  They're sold on http://www.thegrommet.com.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Og-nzw63GLI&feature=player_embedded

Also . . .

The following is an article on how Bogota, Columbia is addressing their homeless population.  Could this be an option for the US?  It brings a measure of dignity to those less fortunate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/columbian-homeless-mobile-shelter_n_3804214.html?utm_hp_ref=latino-voices&ir=Latino%20Voices

No Excuses!

I woke up this morning with this video in my inbox.  Inspirational doesn't begin to describe the young man you'll see.  Take the seven minutes to watch this and be motivated to do more, and . . . to be more.

http://www.upworthy.com/requirement-for-an-incredible-life-an-amazing-attitude-entirely-optional-extremities?c=upw1

Fascinating Maps

Take your time.  These maps are really, really cool!

http://twistedsifter.com/2013/08/maps-that-will-help-you-make-sense-of-the-world/

Old School

Here's a clip of Earth, Wind and Fire rehearsing a song from their latest album.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O40lWEXIEPE&feature=player_embedded
(If this doesn't work, google Earth, Wind & Fire, "My Promise")

Yes, most are senior citizens.

Yes, they're are being sponsored (or should be) by Ben-Gay.

Yes, they need to update their do's.

But . . .

They're still making fun music.

Enjoy!

Commercial

Ben and Frankie, ignore this.

Everyone else, enjoy.

http://www.upworthy.com/the-beer-marijuana-commercial-that-is-making-people-everywhere-rethink-their-position?c=upw1

Jellybean Life

Below is a link to a video illustrating our lives with each day represented by a jellybean.

It is a powerful message.

http://www.upworthy.com/this-dude-just-used-jelly-beans-to-convince-me-to-live-my-life-to-the-fullest-2?c=upw1

Jim Crow

With all of the publicity about the movie "The Butler," I'm reminded of growing up in the segregated South.

We owe a debt of eternal gratitude to the brave souls who confronted Jim Crow head on.  God knows, things aren't perfect now, but they're better.

We're better.

At my home in Texas in the 50's, 60's and beyond, we didn't protest, object, or push back.  My folks understood the real threat of harm for those who did, and they made sure we took a passive role of support.  From the television, where the brutality of segregation was sometimes seen, we said a hushed thank you to the black and white folks who took up the mantle and made a positive difference for all of us.

But my folks were afraid to speak up.

Afraid of the backlash of protesting.

Afraid we'd come up missing.

Afraid we'd be hurt, or worse.

You see, terrorism was a real threat for many of us, long before 9/11.

When I think of this time, I wonder if the roles were reversed, if I would have responded differently.

I wonder . . . would I, like Ruby Bridges' parents, have sent Ben or Frankie off all alone, as first graders, to an all-white school that didn't want integration, knowing they would have been ridiculed and scorned, simply because they're black?  Would I have allowed them to be treated so poorly and possibly even hurt?

Honestly, no.  I wouldn't have.

But thank God, for those parents who did.

Where would we be, if someone had not said, "Enough is enough," and followed that with real action, ushering in real breakthroughs?

When race matters come up, black folks are often encouraged to "get over it" and "move on."  I understand the comments, but I don't think the folks who are making these suggestions, get it.  They don't seem to understand that every experience we go through (good, bad or indifferent), frames who we become and creates the lens through which we see the world.

Yes, times have changed.

And, yes . . .

Things are better.

But . . .

. . . when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana

Great Message

Ashton Kutcher just went way up on the list of people I admire.  See why below. Skip to 1.44 to avoid the screaming teens.

http://www.upworthy.com/ashton-kutcher-just-told-a-bunch-of-teenagers-how-to-be-sexy-in-the-smartest-way-ever-3?c=upw1

Do the Right Thing

This supports my theory that most people are good, and will do the right thing.

Please watch this video clip from the Huffington Post and see if you agree.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/15/casey-neistat-do-right-th_n_3764501.html?ref=topbar

Precious Gems and a Tea Plantation

I forgot to mention in the previous post, we visited a jewelry store where we were shown a video illustrating the processes and procedures of procuring the priceless gems.  It is laborious and requires much patience because they have to dig deep and excavate tons of soil to find the tiniest of stones.  Sri Lanka is famous for the blue sapphires.

Below are some craftsmen at work, making rings.

 Next door, a lady was weaving cloth.

The next day, we drove up a couple of hours north to higher elevations, where we visited a tea planation.  I must admit, I was a little skeptical going to see an active planation because of the negative connotation that word implies.  In this case, it refers to a tea farm, where it is grown and processed for consumption.

A fascinating fact is that there is no irrigation needed to grow tea here.
The dew that forms in the higher elevations is all the moisture needed.
The ground is a red soil that is very, very fertile.

A snake charmer on the side of the road.

A daring soul!

Closeup view of tea leaves.
Interestingly, all variation of teas come from the same leaves,
with rare exception.
Green tea uses the baby leaves,
and black tea uses the whole plant - leaves and stem.
The differences come from mixing leaves once they are processed.

This is what it looks like to harvest the tea.
The string on these baskets are put on your head, and the basket rests on your back.
Not a comfortable feel, at all. 

A view of baby leaves.  

The name of the tea company.

This was a tough day, as we spent eight hours on the bus.  The charm of the two lane roads quickly faded when it took 3.5 hours to travel 30 miles.  The roads were populated with big work trucks, public buses and TukTuks.  The traffic jams and just slow movement caused by these vehicles jockeying for their spot on the road, was crazy at times.

We rolled into Colombo at 8:30 that night, needing to sleep in.  Thankfully, that was the plan.

At about noon, once we checked out of the hotel, we were to take a city tour of Colombo, as we just passed through it from the airport on our way to Kandy, and then hang out until departure time.  I opted out of the tour, and rested instead.  Not surprisingly, I was the only one who looked alive when we reached Dubai.

Random Pix

Hotel #2 in Kandy.  Can't remember the name.

View from my window.

This note was in the window of my room in the Queen's Hotel.
Unfortunately, there were no monkey sightings.

A relic form the past.

Note to self -

Don't read any more books recommended by Oprah.  I devoured The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry, finishing it in less than two days, reading it the entire flight.  It was an awesome read until the end.  Then it had a typically sad and dreary ending (like most of her books) and I was sorry I was suckered in . . . again.

Well, that's it folks.

This concludes my adventures in Sri Lanka, a land I'd visit again in a heartbeat (in spite of the traffic).

Backtracking to Day 1 in Kandy

Here are some highlights of the first day in Kandy.

Orange or "King's Coconut"

Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage

They're marching through the streets, headed to lunch.

Going to lunch.

The following pictures are from the Regent Spice Garden.

The Spice Doctor

Sandalwood Tree

View of the garden.

The Queen's Hotel where we stayed the night.

There was a photographer in the lobby taking wedding pictures for a wedding that was to happen later that morning.  Interestingly, weddings are not performed in the Buddhist Temples.  Instead they are held in hotels or reception halls.  We saw three weddings this day.  Also of note, the prospective bride and groom confer with astrological charts to determine the best day to get married.  I wonder if the divorced rate in lower because of that?

The little boys are a part of a wedding party.
The one on the right doesn't look like he's too excited about the festivities.

Don't the boys have the coolest shoes?

The little girls in the wedding party.

Later in the day, kids on a field trip.  Students throughout the country wear white uniforms to school.