This post requires your patience. I'm noting dates and places, more for me than for you. As I was jotting these down recently, it took a minute to remember all of the dates.
So here goes . . .
1956 - 1974 = China, TX. This is where I was born and raised.
1974 - 1979 = Tallahassee, FL. These are my college years at Florida A & M Univ.
1979 = Married in Corpus Christie, TX
1979 - 1982 = Patuxent River, MD. This was our first Navy duty station.
1981 = Ben was born in Maryland.
1982 - 1985 = Columbia, SC. This was our second duty station.
1983 = Frankie was born in South Carolina.
1985 - 1987 = Lakehurst, NJ. This was our last Navy duty station.
1987 - 1989 = Tulsa, OK. Frank attended Rhema Bible College.
1989 - 2011 = Sacramento, CA. Ben and Frankie were 8 and 6 when we arrived.
1999 = Divorced
This information bubbled up in my mind as I read an interesting article about Oral Robert's grandson who discussed growing up gay. His descriptions of his "Christian" life brought back a lot of memories. The link is below.
http://thislandpress.com/11/18/2012/something-good-is-going-to-happen-to-you/?read=complete
I was raised Catholic. Frank was not raised in any religion, so it was an easy decision to be married in the Catholic church.
Soon after though, Frank delved deeply into "spirituality" for lack of a better term, and being the dutiful wife, I followed.
By the time we arrived in New Jersey, we were immersed in the Charismatic movement. This also marked the only time we lived close to family. We were about two hours south of where Frank was born and raised in New York. So, we found a church in that area, and trekked that four hour round trip every Sunday. Frank's sister and her sons, just a year or two older than Ben and Frankie, also went to this church. This was the first time our guys were able to interact with any of their relatives, on either side of our families, so it was a real treat. It made the trips doable and bearable.
When we left the Navy, Frank attended Rhema Bible Church, with the intention of becoming a pastor. As I have said many times, God knew I cuss way too much to ever be a preacher's wife.
Thankfully, as luck would have it, flying opportunities came up as we were deciding where to go after Oklahoma, and that led us to Sacramento. Frank was working for United, based in San Francisco, but we couldn't afford to live in the Bay Area, so we settled in Sacramento.
We found a local church, and was very active in it, quickly moving into leadership roles.
Then, the incident with Ben's haircut, at Capitol Christian School, brought out the true colors of the church/school leaders there, and of the leaders of our congregation. We were encouraged and expected to back off and not "air the dirty laundry" publicly. The publicity was not helping either church, but it was especially damaging to Capitol Christian, the church that oversaw the school.
Some of the most painful, hurtful, disappointing times in my life, happened at the hands of Christians. The way we were treated was appalling. So, I wiped my hands of the whole bunch.
This was also the tipping point in our marriage, and marked the beginning of the end. Honestly, we had been heading this way for years, this just sealed the deal that Frank and I were moving in different directions.
I stopped going to church then, in 1995, and didn't return with any regularity until 2011.
I was angry and disappointed with "church folks." They represented God, so I was angry and disappointed with God.
This was my state of mind in 2005, when Ben had the accident. The hospital chaplain came around a couple of times, but I was rude and nasty to him. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.
There is no doubt, Ben's recovery was miraculous, but it was years before I could thank God for getting us through those tough, tough times.
Now I'm at a place - believing in God - in a greater way than I ever have.
What changed?
Me.
I chose to forgive . . . myself, others, even God.
And that forgiveness changed me and brought me to this place of peace.
So, that's my journey.
What's yours?
So here goes . . .
1956 - 1974 = China, TX. This is where I was born and raised.
1974 - 1979 = Tallahassee, FL. These are my college years at Florida A & M Univ.
1979 = Married in Corpus Christie, TX
1979 - 1982 = Patuxent River, MD. This was our first Navy duty station.
1981 = Ben was born in Maryland.
1982 - 1985 = Columbia, SC. This was our second duty station.
1983 = Frankie was born in South Carolina.
1985 - 1987 = Lakehurst, NJ. This was our last Navy duty station.
1987 - 1989 = Tulsa, OK. Frank attended Rhema Bible College.
1989 - 2011 = Sacramento, CA. Ben and Frankie were 8 and 6 when we arrived.
1999 = Divorced
This information bubbled up in my mind as I read an interesting article about Oral Robert's grandson who discussed growing up gay. His descriptions of his "Christian" life brought back a lot of memories. The link is below.
http://thislandpress.com/11/18/2012/something-good-is-going-to-happen-to-you/?read=complete
I was raised Catholic. Frank was not raised in any religion, so it was an easy decision to be married in the Catholic church.
Soon after though, Frank delved deeply into "spirituality" for lack of a better term, and being the dutiful wife, I followed.
By the time we arrived in New Jersey, we were immersed in the Charismatic movement. This also marked the only time we lived close to family. We were about two hours south of where Frank was born and raised in New York. So, we found a church in that area, and trekked that four hour round trip every Sunday. Frank's sister and her sons, just a year or two older than Ben and Frankie, also went to this church. This was the first time our guys were able to interact with any of their relatives, on either side of our families, so it was a real treat. It made the trips doable and bearable.
When we left the Navy, Frank attended Rhema Bible Church, with the intention of becoming a pastor. As I have said many times, God knew I cuss way too much to ever be a preacher's wife.
Thankfully, as luck would have it, flying opportunities came up as we were deciding where to go after Oklahoma, and that led us to Sacramento. Frank was working for United, based in San Francisco, but we couldn't afford to live in the Bay Area, so we settled in Sacramento.
We found a local church, and was very active in it, quickly moving into leadership roles.
Then, the incident with Ben's haircut, at Capitol Christian School, brought out the true colors of the church/school leaders there, and of the leaders of our congregation. We were encouraged and expected to back off and not "air the dirty laundry" publicly. The publicity was not helping either church, but it was especially damaging to Capitol Christian, the church that oversaw the school.
Some of the most painful, hurtful, disappointing times in my life, happened at the hands of Christians. The way we were treated was appalling. So, I wiped my hands of the whole bunch.
This was also the tipping point in our marriage, and marked the beginning of the end. Honestly, we had been heading this way for years, this just sealed the deal that Frank and I were moving in different directions.
I stopped going to church then, in 1995, and didn't return with any regularity until 2011.
I was angry and disappointed with "church folks." They represented God, so I was angry and disappointed with God.
This was my state of mind in 2005, when Ben had the accident. The hospital chaplain came around a couple of times, but I was rude and nasty to him. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.
There is no doubt, Ben's recovery was miraculous, but it was years before I could thank God for getting us through those tough, tough times.
Now I'm at a place - believing in God - in a greater way than I ever have.
What changed?
Me.
I chose to forgive . . . myself, others, even God.
And that forgiveness changed me and brought me to this place of peace.
So, that's my journey.
What's yours?
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