Rest in Peace

Several days ago I heard about the death of a dear friend.  I sat down and wrote a post about her, had a glitch in my computer, rebooted, and lost it.

I'm of the mind that everything happens for a reason, so maybe the tribute post wasn't what it needed to be, so I will try again.  My second effort is below.

Michelle Karns was one of the smartest people I know.  She was an educational consultant who worked for, and had contracts with, schools and school districts all over the United States.

She was also a grant writer with an incredible success rate in getting grants funded.

One of the districts Michelle worked for was Sacramento City Unified School District, and specifically, my school, to help turn it around.  We were traditionally low performing.  One of the biggest issues facing us was our leadership turnaround.  We had four principals in five years.  It's hard to move forward with that kind of revolving door.

Michelle worked very closely with principal number four, who had the longest tenure of two years. Their partnership was successful, and lead to a wonderful lifelong friendship.

Michelle was also a great motivational speaker and was hired to give keynote addresses at districtwide events far and wide.  I had the pleasure of accompanying her to one in Southern California.  She had that room, filled with thousands of people, mesmerized.  She was in her element.

Michelle hired me to go on school visits with her.  She needed a second eye to confirm what she was seeing.  This was my first time walking into a school with a critical eye, looking for what was working and not working.  It was an effective precursor to my later work as a site administrator.

Health issues slowed her down.  This decline progressed to where she was confined to a wheelchair.  However, even with those limitations, she continued to work.

During my first year as principal, Michelle had a longterm hospital stay.  I would stop by to see her on my way home from work.  When my Mom was hospitalized for months, neighbors and friends would check up on her, which my brothers and I greatly appreciated because we lived so far away.  So in a small way, stopping to see Michelle was my way of paying it forward.

Many times conversations with Michelle were monologues.  She was great talking to the masses, but wasn't as comfortable one-on-one.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention her generosity.  Michelle was an author of several books and had tons of resources, many of them created by her, that she shared liberally.  She had an incredibly giving spirit.

This doesn't begin to encapsulate all who Michelle was, and all the wonderful things she did, but I hope it gives an idea of the positive impact she had on my life, and the lives of so many others.

Rest in peace, my friend.

And the Saga Continues . . .

In Richard Cohen's much talked about Washington Post column entitled, "Christie's Tea-Party Problem," he really stepped in it when wrote the following:

People with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor-elect of New York — a white man married to a black woman and with two biracial children. (Italics mine)

Good Lord.

The complete piece is below.  Check out the whole thing.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/richard-cohen-christies-tea-party-problem/2013/11/11/a1ffaa9c-4b05-11e3-ac54-aa84301ced81_story.html

Here are some unsolicited suggestions for Mr. Cohen:

1)  Carry a bucket around with you everywhere you go cause you're going to be gagging and upchucking a lot.  In fact, you might want to invest in puke buckets and sell them at Tea Party rallies.

2)  Take a pass on writing anything referring to race (or interracial marriage, slavery, rape, sexuality, etc.) in America.  Share the love and let someone else have a turn.  You will save yourself a lot of grief.

You see, if this was a one time thing, it would be easily forgiven and quickly forgotten.  Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Here's a hat tip to Matt Connolly, who did a terrific job of highlighting some of your more questionable columns below.

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2013/11/richard-cohen-just-the-worst

To be fair, you explained in the "Christie's Tea-Party Problem," that you were describing the Tea Party folks, not expressing your personal opinion.  Somehow though, there did not appear to be a distinction between your thoughts and theirs.

And therein lies the problem.

Maybe, just maybe, your thoughts and ideas, like theirs, are a tad antiquated.  Maybe you've been sequestered away and didn't realize the world was changing all around you.  And on those rare occasions when you have arisen from your self-imposed hibernation and wrote about the things you saw and experienced, it's only served to reveal how lost, and behind the times you really are.

So, what to do?

Continue writing and continue offending.

Or,

Escape from your bubble and be enlightened.

Old dogs can learn new tricks.

Even you.

A Very Special TED Talk

You know how much I like the TED Talks.  Well, that admiration was taken to a whole new level when I found out that Frankie's wife, Cara, had recorded one.

How cool is that?

It took some convincing to get her permission to post it, but I'm so glad she did.

She is the second speaker.

Bonus:  At the 11:40 mark, there's a picture of Zadie examining some veggies.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwX7edOicGM&feature=youtu.be

If you have trouble with this link, Google

"Farms could cover the city: Anastasia Cole Plakias and Cara Chard" at TEDxLongIslandCity.

Moms

For several days now, I've been thinking about my Mom, wishing that she was still around to chat with.

If your Mom is still with you, call her.

This is not about laying guilt on you, it's about reminding you how blessed you are that you can still pick up the phone and make that call.

This is not about Ben and Frankie either.  I'm grateful that I hear from them often.

It's about you.

I realize that sometimes Moms can be . . .

Overbearing,

Nosey,

Nagging,

And

An absolute pain in the neck.

But no matter what, she's your Mom.

She loves you.

So . . .

Make her day.

Give her a call.

If you already call regularly, surprise her with a card, an email, or a visit.

Let her know how much you love and appreciate her.

Mothers are givers.

It's in our nature.

For years and years, we just give and give.

Sometimes kids have to be reminded to turn the tables and give back to them.

Believe me, they're not looking for much.

All they want to know is, that you're OK.

All they want to know is, that they've raised kids that can take their place in society.

All they want to know is, that you've learned how to love.

So . . .

Stop reading.

And,

If you can,

Call your Mom.

Errors

My apologies to those who get this via email.  Once I click publish, its a done deal, going directly to you, errors and all.

Yes, I proofread, again and again, but . . .

Anyway,

For everyone else, you get the cleaned up version, where I've edited after publishing. That's assuming of course, that I can see the errors, and make the corrections.

Anyway, sorry for the screw ups.

UCLA's Diversity Problem

This video was heart wrenching.

Here you have a group of students pointing out, quite eloquently I might add, the incredibly low number of African-American male students enrolled at UCLA.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/08/ucla-black-enrollment-freshmen_n_4242213.html

The ban on Affirmative Action in college and university admissions has resulted in a marked decrease in the number of Black and Hispanic students in these institutions. Check out the article below for some more scary statistics.

http://www.psmag.com/education/affirmative-action-bans-who-gets-hurt-26955/

The whole Affirmative Action argument to ban it's use in admissions is crazy to me.

It's not for admitting students who are not qualified, but it is for broadening the scope of the criteria used when admitting students, understanding that the kids of color have, more often than not, taken different paths to reach their goals.

It is also understanding that skewed admissions have been on the books forever. Think about the students of heavy donors or legacies.  They absolutely get preferential treatment.  I'm not saying deny these folks, but understand the playing field is not, and chances are, never will be, level for them.  They will always have the upper hand.  Is anyone protesting that?  Should we?

This whole Tea Party movement came about because of some folks declaring they "want to take their country back."  Back from what or from whom?  We are a nation of immigrants, mostly voluntary, but for that select group of us with brown skin, we had the misfortune of being forcibly brought over to build this great land.

Oh, but how soon we forget.

We forget the 200 plus years of slavery.

There are those that say the debt has been paid.  We must move on.

Yes, we must move on, but the ripple effect of slavery lives on, and we are foolish to think otherwise.

Using Affirmation Action in the admission process seems to be (or have been) a small price to pay for the atrocities leveled for having the misfortune of being born with brown skin.

I thank God for my brown skin, but we must always remember the heavy burden that has been paid because of it.

Kindness in Action

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then this one is worth a thousand times more.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/06/sleeping-stranger-subway-picture_n_4228826.html

This man didn't hesitate to let this young man nod off on his shoulder.

I wonder . . .  would I have let him sleep?

Would you?

Champ in Dubai

Mike Tyson is in Dubai for his one man show, and visited a school for autistic kids.  See the article below.

http://www.thenational.ae/uae/health/dubai-pupils-smelt-iron-mikes-heart

Mike is a very interesting character.

Any man or woman who gets in the ring to beat the daylights out of their opponents takes some serious cojones, and he was one of the best at what he did.

But he's a man of contrasts.

One the one hand, he exhibited brute force in the ring, but is soft spoken.

He's explosive, but he's also kind-hearted.

I suppose any one of us could be described this way, highlighting our contradictions, but everything about Mike is out-sized, bigger than life.

His history of abusive relationships can't be ignored, neither can his ear-biting fiasco (a new low for him).

Somehow though, like George Forman before him, he's being allowed a path to redemption by showing his humanity.

It's interesting how both of these men have taken a page out of Mohammed Ali's book, learning to have fun while promoting themselves.  It's not an easy path, but it seems to be working for them.

Who can forget Mike's performance in The Hangover?  Check out his singing (it's a stretch to call it that) in the clip below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TbnXqhHJkk

One of the first things I saw when I landed in Poland, was a huge billboard of Mike selling something.  I was too busy being surprised at seeing him, that I didn't notice what he was advertising.

He's clearly taking his show on the road.

Good for him.

Parking

If there was anyone watching the other day, I provided loads of entertainment as I circled a parking lot over and over and over again looking for a space.

It wasn't that I was trying to get a close one, there were none to be found even blocks away.  It wasn't a holiday, and there wasn't a special event going on.

When I think about it, there are two parking worlds here . . . either it's feast or famine.

There are buildings with acres of available parking, and there are others, like the post office, a place that everyone has to frequent from time to time, that are sorely lacking.

One of the issues is most buildings have multiple tenants.  The post office houses at least a half dozen other businesses, and one of them is the main health insurer.  You need to visit them to file a claim.

So, the adventure continues.

I was visiting a brand new building the other day in Abu Dhabi, that was really, really nice.  Everything about it was state of the art, everything that is, except the parking lot.  There were less than twenty parking spaces for this entire building.

Nutty.  Nutty.  Nutty.

Of course, folks quickly got creative by parking on the curbs, and double/triple parking.

But really, as much as I dislike dealing with the headache of finding parking spaces, I only have to deal with it every once in a while.  It's a routine occurrence for my guys in New York and San Francisco, which you can expect because of the vast number of people in these cities, but even in Seattle, where my nephew just moved, it is insane finding parking there, too.

Makes you want to ditch your car altogether.

"Sorry Luther (my car).  I didn't mean you."

Batman

If you're in San Francisco, or can get there on November 15, go and witness the city transform into Gotham City, through the magic of the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Guaranteed, there won't be a dry eye in the city that day.

Check out the link for the planned escapade below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/01/san-francisco-batman_n_4196585.html

Arab Marriage

I've learned a lot lately about marriage in the Arab world.

Marrying relatives is comely practiced.

The main reason is to keep the clan bloodlines pure.

Also, money matters.

If the family is wealthy, the desired outcome is to marry a relative to keep the money in the family.

There is little concern about the genetic Russian Roulette that is being played when cousins marry.

Muslim men are encouraged to marry Muslim women, but are allowed to marry anyone they choose.  Muslim women can only marry Muslim men.

Muslim men can have up to four wives simultaneously.  The only caveat is he must treat each wife equally.  For example, if he buys a car for one, he must buy a comparable car for the other(s).

In many marriages, the man and woman don't know each other, and don't get to know each until after the marriage and public wedding ceremony.  It's not uncommon for a man to propose to a woman at first sight.

The couple's families meet and agree to the terms of the marriage.  The man is required to give money to the prospective bride and her family.  He is also responsible for all the wedding expenses.

The man and woman go to the courthouse and get married by a legal representative, but they are forbidden from consummating the marriage or living together until they are presented publicly at the wedding ceremony.  This wait can be days, weeks, months, or even years, depending on whether the man has to save up to raise the required funds.  Divorces happen most often during this period.

Side note - The divorce rate here sits at about 46%.   See the article link below.  It is from 2005, but I think the info is still valid.

(http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticle.asp?xfile=data/theuae/2005/September/theuae_September502.xml&section=theuae&col)

Side note 2 - A husband can divorce his wife by sending an SMS through a cell phone.  Note the link below for more info.

http://www.international-divorce.com/uae_divorce.htm

The wedding ceremonies are lavish.

Thousands of people are invited for a sit down meal, featuring singers and dancers.

These receptions are separate for the men and women.

The ladies wear fabulous gowns, some quite revealing, but only other women will see them.

When the groom arrives (he and the brides' male relatives are the only men allowed in), the women cover up completely.

The bride and groom then parade on a t-shaped walkway very similar to a model's runway.

And then . . .

They live happily ever after.



The songs for today are not working on the widget.  Not sure what the problem is.  Hope they work in this format.

I did a Google search for Arab Wedding Songs, and these came up as most listened to on the playlist. I'm not sure if they are especially for weddings, but they sound very much like what was playing at the wedding I attended.

file:///Users/fayesharpe/Desktop/01%20Albi%20Albi.mp3

file:///Users/fayesharpe/Desktop/08%20saharounee%20ilail.mp3

file:///Users/fayesharpe/Desktop/14%20arabeasca-6.mp3

Epic!

You all know I'm really into forgiveness, no matter what.

Sometimes though, before you can forgive, you have to get things off your chest.

Below please find an epic breakup letter that is destined to be a classic.


"Don't worry, darling. My anger won't last long. I know your life is already your punishment. A 40-year-old man of mediocre accomplishment who's incapable of true intimacy, who casually lies and cheats, who's being sued by his own aunt, who hardly has the love of his own family, who has few friends and no community to speak of, who's been living in his musty, forgotten childhood home in suburban New Jersey for almost a year, alone, at 40, who isn't even close to his ultimate dream of a book deal, who is frail, insecure, pathetic, tortured, has no moral fiber, who's dissatisfied with his career and is constantly traveling to corporate wastelands.

And then a woman comes along and tries to love him, encourage his dreams, invite him to be her "other whole," and he repays her kindness with lies, secrecy, a handful of sh*tty chocolates he probably picked up at the airport on his way home from France, an unceremonious breakup based on his own inability to get close to someone who has her sh*t together and with whom he could have a real partnership, and tops it off by having an affair with his ex the entire time — at an apartment just ten blocks away from his girlfriend's. And projects onto his girlfriend that she was the untrustworthy one. And tells her the breakup was about "something I just can't put my finger on."

This is who you are: an aging, sad, sneaky, devious man who travels from one hotel to another, putting on a face for strangers, living out of a suitcase, having no real home and no connections, lying to others, lying to himself. So I don't have to humiliate you. Your entire life is one big humiliation. And no matter how much you meditate, do yoga and undergo therapy, this will never change. This is who you are."

(Hat tip to YourTango.com and the Huffington Post)

I love her!

OK, now she should take care of herself by following that with a big dose of forgiveness, not for him, but for her, to rid herself of all the junk that tends to linger after the mess.  God knows I speak from experience.

And the songs for today are . . .


Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack"

Heather Headley's "Me Time"


Sending smiles and warm wishes.

New Toy = Serious Headache

I began this post a couple of days ago talking about how much I was enjoying this new toy (the music widget located on the right), and with most things I like, I wanted to share it.

Well, clearly, I have some work to do in figuring out how to work it.  Namely, I haven't mastered how to add new songs without deleting the original ones.  This is necessary because the songs won't match the message.  For example, the happy songs will show up on the solemn days, and that's not good.

So, instead of starting with happy songs, I begin with "Mercy, Mercy, Me" by Marvin Gaye.  I was thanking God for mercy in helping me to not to throw my computer out the window.  I knew the problem wasn't the computer, and that the confusion rested squarely on my shoulders.  That's what made it even more frustrating.

Side note - I've never been a fan of Marvin Gaye, and when that word got out, I came close to having to surrender my "Black" card.  The word on the street was, "How could I be Black and not like Marvin Gaye?"

But alas, I was forgiven.

OK.

We're back online, and here we go.


Side note 2 - Some housekeeping stuff.  Those of you who get this blog via email, will need to go directly to the site at www.followingfaye.blogspot.com to see and have access to the music widget.


OK.  Here we go for real now.

After the marvelous Marvin Gaye (he's growing on me), is a song from Earth, Wind, and Fire's Greatest Hits - "Shining Star."  This tune begins the album that is my theme music for cleaning house, or for getting things done.

The next one is from Gloria Gaynor - "I Will Survive."  This was my "go to" song through my divorce and other tough times, but it has become my rallying cry for the way I choose to live my life.

The third selection comes from John Boutte - "Two Bands Rolling."  Have you ever heard a happier song?  This is the same guy who did the theme music for Treme on HBO.

The final song is the bonus selection and is courtesy of Houran (thanks for sharing). The guys are called Capital Cities and the song is "Safe and Sound." These fellows are new to me.  I love their energy and they're now in heavy rotation on my iPod.

As always, thanks for taking this ride with me.

And most of all, thanks for your patience.

Smiling

I'm still pretty excited about adding music to these posts, and chose some "happy" songs for today, but changed my mind.  You'll see why.

There's a young man I see everyday, who is kind, soft-spoken, with a ready "light up the room" kind of smile.

A couple of days ago, he seemed sad.  Although his smile was still there, he eyes told a different story.  I asked him each day if he was OK, and he said that he was. I thought maybe he wasn't feeling well.  Working sick is expected.

Today he came to me and said his mother had passed away earlier this week.  I asked if he was going home to India, but he said that there was nothing he could do, so he was not.

My heart ached for him.

You never know what someone is going through.

So, in honor of my friend, I've chosen these songs:

"Let It Be" by the Beatles

"Precious Lord" by Al Green

"Blessed Assurance" by James Ingram

Blasted!

My proud moment of adding a music widget to this blog was dimmed by the blasting of my musical selections.  The blaster, who is a musician, a senior citizen, and a relative of mine, shall remain nameless. He was not at all moved by my song choices.  He completely missed the connection of the post to the music.

At first blush, I was disappointed, maybe even a little hurt.

But fear not, I'm over it and have decided to pursue my musical endeavors to the fullest.  I will spare you from being bombarded with it just by logging on.  (You can thank me later).  In order to listen to my featured musical selections, you must click on the song.

By the way, I love discovering new music.  I'd be tickled pink if you shared your favorite songs with me.

Here are my top three today:

Benise "Romanza" - I've always like the jazzy guitar sound.

Gabe Bondoc "Better" - This guy reminds me of Frankie.

Eric Benet  "Red Bone Girl" - Some tongues were wagging about this song accusing it of glorifying fair-skinned sistas.  I wasn't one of the offended.

Enjoy!

Hello 2

I did it!  I found a way to add music to this blog.  It's just a preview, still working on adding the whole song, but I'm pretty proud nonetheless.

So, I've just copied the earlier post, deleted the YouTube links and added the music player.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The way people greet each is intriguing.

Here in the UAE, the locals and other Arabs recite something when they meet each other.  What's interesting is that their responses overlap.  They're both talking at the same time, so they're not listening to the other person.  I'm not sure if they're saying the same thing, or if it's a call and response, or if the greeting changes with whoever it is they're talking to.

"Hello" is more universal than I realized.  It's used here and most of the other places I've visited.

I've mentioned before that the locals greet someone they know well by rubbing noses.  So you see guys rubbing noses, and to a lesser degree, women and children.

Men shake hands with other men, and women shake hands with other women. Women almost never shake hands with men, except if the Arab man is more familiar with Westerners, and our customs, he may offer his hand to a Western woman. Typically Arab women greet each other with kisses, several on one cheek or alternately from side to side.  It seems to differ depending on which Arab country is represented. The more kisses, the better they like you.

Greetings are important.  Time is spent saying hello.  Many a meeting has been interrupted by someone arriving, and folks stand, say hello, embrace, kiss and carry on a conversation.  It doesn't matter what was happening in the meeting.  Everything stops for this.

Side note - Bill Withers has a beautiful song called, "Hello like Before."  Check out this song and the one mentioned below the music player on the right.

Side note 2 - Don't read anything into the lyrics.  I'm not sending a subliminal message.  There's no longing for yesterday.  Speaking of yesterday though, here's another great song, first recorded by the Beatles.  I love this guy's soulful version.

Here's wishing you a wonderful day!

Hello

The way people greet each is intriguing.

Here in the UAE, the locals and other Arabs recite something when they meet each other.  What's interesting is that their responses overlap.  They're both talking at the same time, so they're not listening to the other person.  I'm not sure if they're saying the same thing, or if it's a call and response, or if the greeting changes with whoever it is they're talking to.

"Hello" is more universal than I realized.  It's used here and most of the other places I've visited.

I've mentioned before that the locals greet someone they know well by rubbing noses.  So you see guys rubbing noses, and to a lesser degree, women and children.

Men shake hands with other men, and women shake hands with other women. Women almost never shake hands with men, except if the Arab man is more familiar with Westerners, and our customs, he may offer his hand to a Western woman. Typically Arab women greet each other with kisses, several on one cheek or alternately from side to side.  It seems to differ depending on which Arab country is represented. The more kisses, the better they like you.

Greetings are important.  Time is spent saying hello.  Many a meeting has been interrupted by someone arriving, and folks stand, say hello, embrace, kiss and carry on a conversation.  It doesn't matter what was happening in the meeting.  Everything stops for this.

Side note - Bill Withers has a beautiful song called, "Hello like Before."  Check it out below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2o3n34esf0

Side note 2 - Don't read anything into the lyrics.  I'm not sending a subliminal message.  There's no longing for yesterday.  Speaking of yesterday though, here's another great song, first recorded by the Beatles.  I love this guy's soulful version.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2By-GNvHZo (the video is not great, but I think you can see/hear the essence of this guy's talent).

Side note 3 - Anyone know how to add songs directly to a blog, please help a sista out.

Here's wishing you a wonderful day!

My Lesson for Today

Like Me

Have you ever met someone that reminds you of yourself, but not in a good way?

I met someone recently that was quite the chatterbox.  Within five minutes I knew her life story.

Please allow me to interject some pertinent information.

This lady was African-American, from the South.

Typically Black folks acknowledge each other with a nod or a quick hello, and oftentimes that turns into full fledge conversations, like we're long lost friends.  I think this happens because we generally share commonalities, and can skip over the introductions rather quickly and move into the "meat" of the conversation.

And so it was with this person.  We went from "hello" to some pretty deep stuff, faster than you can say, TMI (too much information).

But I do this, too.

Do others see me like I saw this person?

Good Lord, put a watch over my tongue.

On the flip side, I've met a lot of wonderful folks by being bold enough to strike up a conversation, but that's different . . . I think.

I love what Frankie said one time.

He noted that his father was socially awkward, and then added, that so was I.

He thought Frank was uncomfortable with small talk, but he noted that he thought I was too, because I'd ask questions, and if there was a lull in the conversation, I'd answer them, too.

OK.

Guilty as charged.

But am I also like this person mentioned above, with her drivel assault?  That's a serious accusation.

Please allow me to pause for a minute to . . .

Get into my Zen space . . . 

To breathe deeply . . . 

And think hard . . . 

OK.

I'm back.

Upon further review,

I'm probably guilty of that, too.

OK.

I'm definitely guilty of it.

And yes, my "forgiveness" button will be working overtime tonight.

I promise . . .

Beginning today, I will listen to myself when I talk, and remember what it's like when someone goes on and on, and I will just . . .

Hush.

Please note -

Self reflection is not for the faint of heart.

A Mixed Bag

Rhianna is in town for a concert, and she visited The Grand Mosque, posing for pictures.  Sounds innocent enough, right?  However, where she goes, controversy is not far behind.  The link follows.  What do you think?

http://www.thenational.ae/uae/tourism/rihanna-sparks-controversy-with-photoshoot-at-sheikh-zayed-grand-mosque

I was reminded today of the importance in being dependable.  Doing what you say you're going to do.  Going where you say you're going.  Being a man/woman of your word.  My Mom will always stand out for me in this area because when she said she was going to do something, you could take it to the bank.  It was going to happen. This was one of her life's tenets, and one that I strive to emulate.

That's it for now.

More soon.

Your blogging buddy.

CHINA Thoughts

The following are random thoughts on my time in Beijing, along with the promised pictures.

This is my friend and I at the Ming Tombs.

Buddha on display at the Ming Tombs

This was intriguing to me.
The trees inside the Ming Tombs are covered in plexiglass
to keep folks from defacing them.

---Chinese folks appear to be a superstitious lot.  There were things - a tree, a sign with the symbol for double happiness, the platform for saying prayers, etc. - that were rubbed/touched for good luck.  Nothing was left to chance.  They wanted to be sure they did what they were supposed to do to be on the receiving end of the blessings.

Colorful flowers like this were seen all over.

---One of the other tourists with us asked about the incident in 1989 in Tiananmen Square.  The answer given was vague, with the young lady appearing to be very careful about how she responded.  This was in direct contrast to my guide in Moscow, who was very vocal about his thoughts on what was happening in his country during Putin's reign.

---Chinese folks are limited by the government to have only one child.  If they choose to have more children, they must pay the government three million yen for the cost that the government expects to incur in providing services for this additional child.

The paths of the Great Wall are marked
so that you can determine the distance trekked.

Great view from one of the platforms.

---There was a sign on the road that cautioned, "Don't drive when tired."

---One of the places we stopped only had the hole in the floor toilets.  What was really interesting were the couple of women who were using these facilities with the doors open.

---Each time I've taken a prearranged tour, there have been mandated stops by the tour guides in support of the local economy.  In India, it was the tapestry showcase. In Sri Lanka, it was the precious jewels showcase.  In Beijing, there were three such stops - the jade factory, the tea showroom, and the pearl showcase.

This is a jade version of the bull on Wall Street.

Beautiful carving of white jade of the Lady Buddha.

---It was extraordinarily rare to see a bald Chinese man.  Even the old guys had full heads of hair, with no signs of receding hairlines.

And . . .

Finally, the headline of the local English paper, the China Daily, was about the US and the return to work after the federal shutdown.  The article focused on the worldwide impact and the longterm effects of going down this rabbit hole.  The Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Hua Chunying is quoted as saying, "The US is the largest economy in the world, and the proper resolution of this issue serves not only its own interests, but also world economic stability and development." China Daily, Friday, Oct. 18, 2013.  (www.chinadaily.com.cn)

This column reminded me of something very similar in Egypt.

I love the fact that this panda has his back to us.
He doesn't feel like visitors today.

This guy is munching on apples.

Here's another guy who would rather be alone.

Yet another panda who is not interested in visitors.

In this photo, you can see the white fur is more tan than white.
I wonder if it's because of the smoggy weather,
or if in fact, they are naturally this color.

This guy is the same one above going for a walk.

This guy was monkeying around.

This is a close up of the Temple of Heaven.

China - Days 2 & 3

The second day featured a visit to Tiananmen Square, The Forbidden City (across the street from each other), a silk factory, and the Temple of Heaven.  And on the third day, I visited the zoo.

This huge bouquet is in Tiananmen Square.
It is there in celebration of their National Day, Oct. 7th.

I am trying to show how large the area is.

Here are the flowers up close.

One of the many structures in the Forbidden City.

The masses of people that were not evident the first day, was very much evident as we trekked to these landmark.  The reason the large numbers are not seen on the streets, is that they have a wonderful underground pathway/street system, designed to allow people to cross the busy streets, and access the subway system from underground.  I was struck by the number of Chinese visitors, but was told they outnumber foreigners every day of the week.  These folks are the ones who live in vast, rural areas of the country.

A sun dial.

The Forbidden City

We're leaving the Forbidden City.

A really interesting side note is the more than a dozen times people stopped us to ask to take pictures with them.  It appears that black folks are a rare sight in these parts.  The folks who asked were the bold ones.  There were many others who took our pictures on the sly.  It really was kind of funny.  This was not unique to us though.  Other black friends who have been here said the same thing.  Our tour guide said it was happening because we were foreigners, but there were blond folks near us who were not getting any attention.

This is a demonstration of how silk is extracted from larvae-encased egg looking thingy.

This is the Temple of Heaven.

Me in front of the Temple of Heaven.

A close of the temple.

This is where the sacrificed animals were burned.

A second temple.

A really cool, twisted tree.

Also located at the Temple of Heaven.

It is believed when you stand on the circle platform,
your prayers go directly to heaven and are guaranteed to be answered.

This is really beautiful, in spite of the fierce looking dragon head.

An oyster is opened for us.  I guessed there would be three pearls inside.  There were 22!
We were each given one as a keepsake.

Close up of the pearls.

A panda eating apples.

I have more pictures of the pandas, but I'm having technical difficulties uploading them.  I'll post them when I get home.

This was a wonderful trip.  Although it was a quickie, but I'm thrilled with what we were able to see and do.

As always, thanks for taking this ride with me. 

From CHINA to CHINA

This week the Muslim world is celebrating EID (which is the closest thing they have to Christmas, in that this is a gift-giving holiday), so I took advantage of this time off to visit Beijing, China.

As I noted recently, I was born and raised in China, Texas, but seeing the "real" China, has been a special treat.

There is a teacher I know from the UAE who is also in Beijing this week, and we're touring the city together.

Today we visited the Great Wall.

First some thoughts about the city.

Our guide said there are 25 million people living in Beijing.  Wikipedia states the number at around 21 million.  I'm guessing her number includes the suburbs.

With that many people, I expected to see massive crowds, and a congested city. Neither was evident as we were out and about.  In fact, New York City and San Francisco both "feel" more crowded than Beijing.

Bicycles were everywhere, competing for road space.  There are bike lanes, and in some areas, there are barriers to separate the bikers from automotive traffic.

They drive like we do in the US, and the driving is civil.  Nobody was racing or creating lanes.

The weather was spectacular with crystal clear blue skies.  This was fantastic because sometimes the air can be so thick with fog/smog, you can hardly see your hands in front of you.  It was a brisk day, about 60 degrees when we started out in the morning, warming nicely midday, then cooling off again as the sun was setting.

Now, the Great Wall . . .

Is absolutely as magnificent as I imagined.  Of course, we only saw a small section of the more than 13,000 miles of it, but the views of this area of the wall, and the views of the countryside from this area, were breathtakingly beautiful.

Tomorrow we're off to see the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square.

More soon. 

Learning New Tricks

This is a quick (five minute) TED Talk with some pretty cool tricks to save you time on your computer and on your phone.

I learned a lot!

Check it out at the link below.

http://video-subtitle.tedcdn.com/talk/podcast/2013U/None/DavidPogue_2013U-480p-en.mp4

Football

 I couldn't help loving football with all of the testosterone in my world.  I don't know the rules, and don't pay attention to the positions, but I love the game nonetheless.

Ben and Frankie played in high school.

However, when I saw this documentary linked below, on the dangers of concussions caused by the repeated hits by football players, it changed my mind completely.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/league-of-denial/

It is an hour and a half long, but worth every moment to see the extent of the damage to players, and the extent of the NFL in denying those damages.

If there's a hell, these folks representing the NFL are in the fast lane heading there.

Just as it was mentioned in the piece, this level of denial is reminiscent of the tobacco companies and their denial of the harm tobacco posed to smokers.

Something radically different needs to change in the way the game is played.

Success on the field is not worth an early grave, or a lifetime of pain and suffering, to the players.

That price is too high.

If I had known then what I know now, Ben and Frankie would not have played football, at all.

No question about it.  Football would have been off limits to them.

I'm convinced, if enough moms say no to this in the formative years, it will bring this game to it's knees, demanding changes to protect the players.

But it will take more than that.  Football is big business.  As long as there's greed associated with this game, there will be folks who will go to extremes to protect their investment, no matter how much harm is being done.

Remember this when you're enjoying the games this weekend.

My Journey

This post requires your patience.  I'm noting dates and places, more for me than for you.  As I was jotting these down recently, it took a minute to remember all of the dates.

So here goes . . .

1956 - 1974 = China, TX.  This is where I was born and raised.
1974 - 1979 = Tallahassee, FL.  These are my college years at Florida A & M Univ.
1979           = Married in Corpus Christie, TX
1979 - 1982 = Patuxent River, MD.  This was our first Navy duty station.
1981           = Ben was born in Maryland.
1982 - 1985 = Columbia, SC.  This was our second duty station.
1983           = Frankie was born in South Carolina.
1985 - 1987 = Lakehurst, NJ.  This was our last Navy duty station.
1987 - 1989 = Tulsa, OK.  Frank attended Rhema Bible College.
1989 - 2011 = Sacramento, CA.  Ben and Frankie were 8 and 6 when we arrived.
1999           = Divorced

This information bubbled up in my mind as I read an interesting article about Oral Robert's grandson who discussed growing up gay.  His descriptions of his "Christian" life brought back a lot of memories.  The link is below.

http://thislandpress.com/11/18/2012/something-good-is-going-to-happen-to-you/?read=complete

I was raised Catholic.  Frank was not raised in any religion, so it was an easy decision to be married in the Catholic church.

Soon after though, Frank delved deeply into "spirituality" for lack of a better term, and being the dutiful wife, I followed.

By the time we arrived in New Jersey, we were immersed in the Charismatic movement.  This also marked the only time we lived close to family.  We were about two hours south of where Frank was born and raised in New York.  So, we found a church in that area, and trekked that four hour round trip every Sunday.  Frank's sister and her sons, just a year or two older than Ben and Frankie, also went to this church.  This was the first time our guys were able to interact with any of their relatives, on either side of our families, so it was a real treat.  It made the trips doable and bearable.

When we left the Navy, Frank attended Rhema Bible Church, with the intention of becoming a pastor.  As I have said many times, God knew I cuss way too much to ever be a preacher's wife.

Thankfully, as luck would have it, flying opportunities came up as we were deciding where to go after Oklahoma, and that led us to Sacramento.  Frank was working for United, based in San Francisco, but we couldn't afford to live in the Bay Area, so we settled in Sacramento.

We found a local church, and was very active in it, quickly moving into leadership roles.

Then, the incident with Ben's haircut, at Capitol Christian School, brought out the true colors of the church/school leaders there, and of the leaders of our congregation.  We were encouraged and expected to back off and not "air the dirty laundry" publicly.  The publicity was not helping either church, but it was especially damaging to Capitol Christian, the church that oversaw the school.

Some of the most painful, hurtful, disappointing times in my life, happened at the hands of Christians.  The way we were treated was appalling. So, I wiped my hands of the whole bunch.

This was also the tipping point in our marriage, and marked the beginning of the end. Honestly, we had been heading this way for years, this just sealed the deal that Frank and I were moving in different directions.

I stopped going to church then, in 1995, and didn't return with any regularity until 2011.

I was angry and disappointed with "church folks."  They represented God, so I was angry and disappointed with God.

This was my state of mind in 2005, when Ben had the accident.  The hospital chaplain came around a couple of times, but I was rude and nasty to him.  I didn't want to hear anything he had to say.

There is no doubt, Ben's recovery was miraculous, but it was years before I could thank God for getting us through those tough, tough times.

Now I'm at a place - believing in God - in a greater way than I ever have.

What changed?

Me.

I chose to forgive . . . myself, others, even God.

And that forgiveness changed me and brought me to this place of peace.

So, that's my journey.

What's yours?




   

Priceless!

These are actual comments received by a tour company.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blogdramedy/idiotic-travel-complaints_b_4073107.html

Foggy

When I entered the underground parking garage today, the first thing I noticed was the air.  It was thick and sticky.

When I exited the garage, I saw the fog.

Usually foggy-looking weather is just sand that's swirling around, kicking up a fine dust.  Today's fog was the real thing.

This is significant because we very rarely have any change in weather.  It is bright and sunny 99% of the time.  Any deviation from that stands out.

Also important is the temperature.  On the extended forecast, it looks like today will be the last day of triple digit weather.  Thank God!

Side note - Sports are really big here.  Soccer (referred to as football) is the biggest with a brand new stadium just completed, probably followed in popularity by rugby (looks like a combination of soccer and football, with no pads) and cricket (looks like baseball with a flat bat).  Each sport has it's own field.  Golf is also very popular with the ex-pat community.  I had dinner at the golf clubhouse recently, and this was the first time I'd seen this sports complex.  It is very impressive.  It appears to be top notch facilities.

Side note 2 - The cycle 2/3 schools (grades 6-12) all have olympic size pools. Interestingly, they are not in use.  I'm not sure if it's because there are no swim instructors, or if there is a concern about wearing swimwear.  At the beaches in Dubai, local women can be seen playing in the water in their abayas (the long black dresses), next to ex-pats in string bikinis.  Dubai is definitely more lenient in their dress code.  As it works hard to become the vacation destination in the Middle East, it tends to be more tolerant of what they would consider inappropriate dress.

Side note 3 - Perfume and incense are sold everywhere . . . in the grocery stores, malls, souks.  Both for men and women.  Gifts are almost always perfume or chocolate (more on that in a minute).  Bottles of perfume are in the toilets in the state-owned airlines.

Side note 4 - There are at least three stores that sell chocolate on every block (OK, maybe not that many, but there are a lot).  The chocolate is displayed beautifully. Cubes of it are individually wrapped, typically arranged on a platter, made into a mountain, then wrapped in fancy bows.  Chocolate displays like this are in most offices, and are given as birth presents, and are bought and shared for monumental events, like the purchase of a car.

Side note 5 - Unlike Saudi Arabia where women were just allowed to drive, most of the local women here can drive themselves, although many of them have drivers. One of my ex-pat friends, a principal who worked out in one of the remote areas, had a driver.  He picked her up in the morning and he stayed all day at school (there is a lounge for drivers at most schools).  Then he would take her shopping, and any other place she needed to go.  He worked 12-hour shifts, and he drove his own car. For the local women, the drivers use their cars.

And finally . . .

Side note 5 - There are two things I'm still trying to get use to after almost two years . . . the workweek beginning on Sunday (the weekend is Friday/Saturday) and the Arabic books, magazines, brochures, etc., are printed from right to left.  So what we would consider the back of the book, is the front for Arabic speakers.  The local weekly magazines are printed in both languages, beginning with English, and then halfway through the book, it changes into Arabic.  They begin reading at the back, working their way to the middle where the English ends.

That's it for now.

Good night to you.

Good morning to me.

Great History Lessons

Instead of dressing up like a princess, this Mom had her daughter dress as famous women.  Who doesn't like make believe?  This was a clever way to have fun and teach her child about these fabulous women.

https://www.upworthy.com/see-the-5-kick-ass-women-this-mom-dressed-her-daughter-as-instead-of-a-disney-princess?c=upw1

Great history lessons indeed!

Google Executive

It is refreshing to see this African-American woman, who is an executive at Google.

Check her out below.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/04/the-one-place-this-google_n_4026079.html 

More Random Thoughts

Thought #6 (continued from previous post)

A child born in the UAE does not get UAE citizenship unless the father is Emirati.  If that is not the case, the child would assume the citizenship of his or her father. Getting a birth certificate is a tedious process, so many women go back to their home countries for the birth of their babies to avoid any problems.

Thought #7

An unwed woman who gets pregnant is advised to leave the country as soon as possible, or risk jail time for herself and her child.  If she remains here, she will be jailed for a length of time determined by the courts, then she and her baby would be deported, never to return.  If she leaves before the pregnancy is discovered, she would be able to return alone, without her child, if she so desired.

Thought #8

Homosexual activities are a crime here, punishable by fines, jail time, deportation, and even the death penalty.  See this link:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_the_United_Arab_Emirates

Interesting, right?

OK.

On this happy note, I'll end.

Random Thoughts

Thought #1

For those of you enjoying the briskness of fall weather, think of me each time you reach for your sweater or jacket.  The heat here is still in triple digits (106 today), with no end in sight.  To be fair though, it feels a lot cooler when compared to 120. So, yes, we're thankful for 106.

Thought #2

It occurred to me recently that Ben and Frankie have never met their cousins, my oldest brother's kids, who are now 47 and 50 years old.  My brother Terry and I were closest to them in age, but their mother didn't appreciate the tight rein my folks had on us, so their visits were rare.  I can count the times on one hand that I've seen them.  It's a shame really, but it is what it is.

Thought #3

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm reading, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants by Malcolm Gladwell.  It is about how people, when faced with a disadvantage, oftentimes propelled themselves to greatness, in spite, or maybe because of, the difficulties.  One example resonated with me.  He described a man who was raised in the Midwest by parents who survived the Great Depression.  He was raised to appreciate money, and the importance of saving money.  As a young child he worked for his neighbors mowing grass, raking leaves, and shoveling snow.  Business was so good, he hired some of his friends. He maintained this business all through high school.  He went to college, ended up in Hollywood, and became a huge success, using some of the skills and talents he learned as a child.  He has a family and wanted to teach his kids the value of money that he learned while growing up.  However, his kids will never learn these lessons, to the degree that he did because they have never wanted for anything.  So, the disadvantage of growing up poor caused him to look for and create ways to succeed.  And, the advantage of living in abundance, turned out to be a disadvantage for his kids, in learning those same lessons.  This book is very interesting and very highly recommended.

Thought #4

Scandal, the TV show, premiered season three this week.  It was well worth the wait.  If you're not a Gladiator yet, you're missing some delicious fun.  Check out seasons one and two and see for yourself what all the fuss is about.

Thought #5

Random thoughts bring to mind, random acts of kindness.  Being on the receiving end is nice, but being the giver of random acts of kindness is even nicer.  Make someone's day today.  Smile.  Strike up a conversation.  Let someone go ahead of you in line.  Buy the coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks.  Pay someone's toll.  Feed someone's expired meter.  Small gestures mean a lot, sometimes more than you'll ever know.

Here's wishing you a happy day.

Guilty!

I am guilty as charged for being a super proud grandma who wants to share my joy with the world.

So, here are two more pictures of my girls.

Zadie & Frankie working hard

Milu enjoying the pumpkin patch

Recurring Theme

I'm reading an absolutely phenomenal book, Malcolm Gladwell's latest,
David and Goliath:  Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants.

It never ceases to be amaze me how Mr. Gladwell takes extraordinarily complex theories, and makes them easy enough for me to understand.

This man has a great gift, and I'm grateful to be a beneficiary of it.

I downloaded the book yesterday, and I'm more than halfway through it.  And as much as I want to finish it, I am compelled to pause and write about forgiveness . . . again.

The first notion that comes to mind when forgiveness takes over my thought life is . . .

Where have I missed the mark?

Who do I need to forgive?

Family, friends, strangers?

If no other person comes to mind . . . do I need to forgive myself?

There is no one that is harder on me than I am on myself.

When I blow it, I used to beat myself up.  Now, I'm still tough on me, but I temper my response with some hard-earned wisdom.  

Things used to derail me.

Now.  Not so much.

It's not that I care less, it's just that I'm understanding more and more that "this to shall pass."

I've learned to be kind to me.

I recognize the areas in my life that need help, and I work at making the necessary adjustments.

Now, I strive to treat myself, the way I strive to treat others, with patience and understanding.

I would never intentionally try to hurt someone, and yet it was OK for me to intentionally degrade and hurt myself.

Nope.

Not anymore.

So, what's the bottom line here?

Be quick to forgive others, no matter what.

And . . .

Be quick to forgive yourself, too, no matter what.

Because . . .

No matter how we may have blown it, if we're lucky, we can ask for forgiveness from others, and ourselves.  Then, we can choose to take a mulligan, learn from our mistakes, and try again.

Thank God for the "do overs."

Good night to you.

Good day to me.