Leadership Styles

When I think of leaders, and the many different styles of leadership, I'm reminded of sports.  I think coaches provide great examples of the different ways of leading folks to success.

There is the Bill Parcell Style.  Loud.  Boisterous.  Confrontational.  In your face. Leading by intimidation.

There is the John Wooden Style.  Reserved.  Dignified.  Master of executing the basics to perfection.  Always the teacher.

Then there is the Tony Dungy Style.  Quiet.  Thoughtful.  Master of attention to detail.  And above all, respectful, of the game and his players.

I chose these three because, although the styles were varied, the end result was the same.  They were all winners.

So for the leader who rides, intimidates, embarrasses, humiliates and harasses, he/she continues to do that when they are winning with that strategy.  Their theory - Don't fix it if it isn't broke.

But for the leader who chooses to lead with dignity, humility, collaboration, and respect, he/she must win to prove to everyone that being kind doesn't mean being weak or ineffective.  I think, in many ways, this one is harder.

Here's why.

This coach/leader is in the minority.  That alone can be daunting.  The rule of thumb is coaches/leaders need to be tough to get the desired results.  This thoughtful approach dares proving because it goes against the grain.  Folks, by nature, tend to give this kind of coach/leader a shorter time to prove their worth.  Positive results need to happen fast.

I'm embarrassed to say that many times my style closely resembled the Coach Parcell Style. Thankfully, that was short-lived.  I hope it was anyway.  My staffs may think otherwise.

As I've grown in leadership positions, I've strived to emulate the style of the leader I had the great pleasure of working for.  Someone who was fair and reasonable. Someone who never asked her staff to do anything she wasn't also willing to do. Someone who helped to bring out the best in me.  Someone who was supportive, providing all of the resources we needed (that was in the good old days), but then expected us to do our best, and give our best.

Have I always succeeded in leading this way?  Absolutely not.

Do I always try?  Yes.  On most days anyway.

I think treating people with respect, is the most effective trait of an effective leader.

Unfortunately, our landscape is littered with bully leaders.  Here's hoping the tide turns in the other direction.  Soon.  But if the bully leader keeps winning, the wait will probably be a long one.

TV

I used to be hooked on television.  With the advent of TiVo, I had scores of shows saved to watch later.

When I was young, we had an elderly neighbor that I visited from time to time.  She always had her TV on, and it was always blasting.  It was "company" for her.  I swore then that I would never be an old lady with a blaring television.

Well . . . never say never.

I, in fact, became that woman.  Old, and watching way too much TV.

Thankfully, that is not the case here.

Of course, I'm still old, but I find that I don't turn on the TV for days at a time.  It helps that it's in the living room and not the bedroom, so it's not the automatic routine that it was.

So, how do I fill that time?

I'm reading much more.  Books.  Magazines.  Newspapers.

I like being informed.  Knowing what's happening in my world.

That world seems small when the headlines from the US are published prominently here in the UAE.

Again, I'm thankful for the online resources and outlets that feature the latest news and information from around the world.  It helps to keep me in the loop.

I also just downloaded a great app for my iPad . . . ESPN, The Magazine.  It features terrific articles and offers comprehensive coverage of sports.

Yes, I like sports.  I'm sure it's from growing up with all that testosterone.

I subscribed to Sports Illustrated years ago for Ben and Frankie, and kept it coming long after they were gone and only stopped getting it when they changed the font and I couldn't read it comfortably.  Clearly, it was geared for a younger, better eye-sighted, crowd.

The great thing about the iPad and iPhone and all the other i-gadgets, is the ability to increase the font size with your fingers by spreading them out on the page.  You gotta love the geeks.  Life is so much better because of them.

If you're still with me, you can see there wasn't much happening in my world.  Of course, if I waited for something exciting to write about, it might be a while.

Until next time, find something fun to read, and share it with me.  I'm always looking for something new.  Trashy romance novels count.  So do comics.

OK.  No comics.

Finally, this random reminder -

Forgive.  No matter what.  Choose to forgive.  Whatever the issue,  it's not worth holding on to it.  Just let it go.

Yes, you can do it.

Just let it go.

Take a deep breath.

Another.

One more.

Feel better?

I know.  I know.  I missed my calling.  I should have been a therapist.

Until next time.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there!  Here's hoping your day is filled with fun, relaxation and lots of love.

Your blogging buddy

Evolution

Texas is home for me.  It's where I was born and raised.  Although I lived in Sacramento for 22 years,  and Texas for only 18, China, Texas will always be home.

China was a very small town.  There were about 1100 folks, and I'm sure they counted pets and the deceased, to come up with that number.

It was/is an agricultural area, with rice being the biggest crop.  Most folks worked on farms, and the lucky ones at the oil refineries in Beaumont, about 20 miles away.

Like all town/cities/communities at that time, it was segregated.  The railroad tracks were the dividing line. All the white folks lived on one side of the tracks, all of the black folks on the other.  It was like that in 1956 when I was born, and to a large degree, it's still like that today.

I remember the "whites' only signs for the restrooms and water fountains at the gas station.  At the general store, the whites parked in the front, the blacks on the side.

The white side of town had paved roads, sidewalks and underground drainage of waste.  There were no sidewalks on our side.  The roads were layered in dried shells, which was hard to drive on and even harder to walk on.  The drainage pipes emptied waste into the ditches, which was a festering ground for the spread of disease by the many mosquitoes that lived there.

Of course, the schools were segregated.

Everyone in the school system was black.  The principal, teachers and all support staff.  It was like this for me from 1st thru 6th grade.  Our school served all students from 1st thru 12th grade.  When I was in 1st grade, my brother Forrest was in the 11th grade, on the other side of the building.

My black world extended beyond the school.  The doctors, dentists, pharmacist, and all the other professionals whose services we used, were black, too.

We integrated my school when I was in the 7th grade.  My K-12 school became the middle school.  Everyone in 1st thru 6th grade, now went to the white school across the tracks.  All of the white kids in 7th and 8th grade, came to our school, and in the 9th grade, we were all bussed seven miles away, to the town of Sour Lake, where we went to high school.

As I mentioned, all of my teachers were black before we integrated.  After integration, I had one black teacher from 7th thru 12th grade.  All of those black educators lost their jobs.

Although integration opened many doors, I'm not sure if we did an accurate job of counting the cost.  We didn't always have the latest textbooks or the best supplies, but we had role models and teachers who had a vested interest in our success.  The black staff knew the challenges we would face, and they worked overtime to ensure our success.  They absolutely refused to let us fail.

When we integrated, we shared the same space, but we didn't always get the same education.

As I look back on that time, I marvel at the fact that our coming together was peaceful.  There were no protests.  No sit-ins.  No demonstrations.  We black folks understood how dangerous it was to push back, so we didn't.  We were taught how to behave to avoid trouble.  We knew our place and stayed in it.

Some may see this as cowardly.  I see it as an exercise in smart thinking.  We understood our lives and livelihoods were at stake.  Literally.

The good thing about being raised in the South was, we knew where we stood.  Their was no ambiguity about how someone felt about you.  It was revealed for all to see and deal with.

This is my history.

This is what I passed on to Ben and Frankie.  This may help to explain why for years, I objected to their dating white girls.  My rationale was twofold.  I was absolutely concerned about their safety, and I wanted them to appreciate black women and the richness of our culture.

Both Ben and Frankie are married, and I love their wives and the choices they made.  Neither of the women are black.

My thinking evolved.

I loved what President Obama stated, when he said his thinking about gay marriage has evolved.  So too, has mine about interracial marriage.  I've grown.  I've matured. I understand that love comes is many packages and in many colors.

I always encouraged Ben and Frankie to marry smart women.  And they did.  Could they have found smart black women?  Of course.  But they didn't, and that's OK.

I've grown.  I've matured.  I've evolved.

Thank God!

Evolution is a good thing.

Tears & Rain

Yesterday was one big celebration at school.  We were honoring the conclusion of Dental Health Month in Abu Dhabi.

There were dignitaries present who were entertained with songs, dances, skits, and readings.  Some had nothing to do with teeth or dental health, but who cares?  It was a party and everyone was invited, whether they were relevant to the theme or not.

It lasted almost three hours.  We're serious about celebrations here.  We acknowledge something or someone with a celebration at least once a week.

The good news is the kids are good at it.  The grown folks could use some polishing, but the student performers are great.

The bad news is the amount of academics that is missed to make this happen.

On the other hand, the students here get to fully participate in the arts . . . music and creative arts.  Drawings, artistic creations, and projects can be seen all over the building.

It's a beautiful site.

One of the teachers, who was integrally involved in the planning and execution of this elaborate program yesterday, was in tears at the end of it.

I was definitely at a disadvantage in not speaking the language, in trying to find out what the problem was.  The explanation I could piece together seemed insignificant, but I've lived long enough to know that sometimes, the current circumstance causing the distress may be the representation of the "straw" that broke the camel's back.  It's not necessarily the current issue, but a culmination of things that causes folks to be upset.

We have no idea of what others are going through.  We have what they share, but most people are cautious about airing their dirty laundry.  That's especially true here where appearances reign supreme.

I'm guessing if we peeled back some of the layers, both figuratively and literally, we would find more than a little funky laundry.

After all of this, later in the day . . .

It rained.

A heavy drizzle really, and only at the mall.  Not even the whole mall, just on the massive concrete "front yard" of the mall.  It was funny watching people watch the rain. Shopping stopped in its tracks for this event. It's such a rare sight in these parts.

When I left the mall, Luther was a mess because before the rain, there was a mini-sandstorm.  The wind was blowing hard and hot.  It was 108 degrees at 4:00pm. The dampness in the air must have mixed with the sand because it was sticking to Luther.  I'd have to be sure to go to the carwash on Saturday.

Here's hoping that there are no tears in your world, and if there's rain, it's a welcome sight.

Gaudy, Gaudy, Gaudy!

On my way to get a haircut, I had some time to spare, so I stopped by - what we would call way back when - a five and dime store.

It was touted as a gift shop, but that's a real stretch.

What was so inviting, and yet in many ways, so repulsive, was the gaudiness of it all.

Even the cheesy stuff is done up in a big way here.

There were rows and rows of shiny gold things that I'm sure would turn green before you walked out of the store with it.

But for some reason, I was mesmerized by it all, and walked up and down each aisle . . . several times.

What does that say about me?

Please don't answer!

Yes, I did buy something.

It was only a little bit gaudy.

And yes, I will discuss this issue in my next therapy session.

Here's wishing you a good "gaudy" night.

Sandstorms, Music and Dating

I spent the day in Abu Dhabi for a meeting.  It wasn't as productive as I had hoped, but it was still nice getting out of town for the day.

On the way home, I drove through a sandstorm.  It really is pretty harrowing to see and experience.  The sand was so thick that visibility wasn't much farther than the front end of your car.

Side note - Each time I've experienced a sandstorm, I noticed that the wind blew across the road, horizontally.  The fierce windy sand moves from right to left or left to right, to swirls in big circles.

Side note 2 - I always thought storm chasers were nuts, but I can see the fascination now.  I was tempted to pull over just to have it swirl around me.

When there was a slight let up in the wind, I could see that the cars around me had on their emergency blinkers.  So, I turned on mine, too.  That really was the only way to see them.  Thankfully, the speed of the traffic slowed way down.  This is a road that folks fly on, so I was happy that cooler heads prevailed and they/we all slowed down.

As I was driving home, in all of this colorful weather, I was listening to music.  It had been a while since I'd done that.  Usually I'm listening to motivational speakers.

Anyway, I was listening to someone cover a Whitney Houston song, and I thought - why am I listening to him, when I could be listening to the real thing.  So, I was serenaded by Whitney, then Michael (Jackson), and finally Luther (Vandross).

Yes.  They have all passed away, but it felt so good to walk down memory lane with them.  Each song took me to a different place and time in my life.

I thought about all of the great music and musicians I grew up with, and how prolific that time - the 70's - were in giving us timeless artists and songs that have lasted the test of time.  

There was Aretha (Franklin), Gladys (Knight), Stevie (Wonder), Frank (Sinatra), Barbra (Streisand), The Temptations, The Four Tops, Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, featuring Teddy (Pendergrass), and so many more.  Although I was not a fan, many people liked Marvin (Gaye).

Side note 3 - I've come close to having to turn in my "black" ID card when that tidbit was revealed.

Funny how many young folks nowadays, are using just the one name, like Beyonce (Knowles) and Joe (???).

Seriously!  They haven't earned the right.  Will we be listening to them 20-30 years from now?  I doubt it.

They can't hold a candle to Aretha, Gladys, Barbra, Frank or Luther.

OK.  I get all riled up about this, so I'll stop.

Finally, a comment about my dateless decade.

I was married for 20 years, and spent almost every day for much of that time trying to please my husband and keep a happy home.  Well, at about year 15, I realized that no matter what I did, it wouldn't ever be good enough, so after a while, I stop trying.

Now, it takes two to screw things up in a relationship, and God knows I was guilty on many levels.  So, after hanging in as long as possible, it ended in year 20.

That was my year of jubilee!  I started to experience a freedom I'd never had before, and I loved it.

I also discovered I liked me, warts and all.

And I made a promise to myself to never spend another day trying to bring someone else happiness.  That has to come from within.

So, I've guarded my heart and myself.  

My motto now is "to thine own self be true."

If that leads to a relationship, wonderful.

If not, I'm OK with that, too.


  

Kuwait

About a year and a half ago, I applied for a job in Kuwait, and was so disappointed when it didn't come through.  Little did I know at the time, there was something much better coming down the pike.  All I could see was the disappointment of not getting this job.

If the Kuwait job had materialized, I would have had to resign from my position in Sacramento, as opposed to being able to retire, which I did.  I wasn't old enough to retire the year before, so I can see now that some things had to fall in place before this move could happen.

Sometimes when you're hoping or wishing for something that doesn't happen, maybe, just maybe, it's because something much better is right around the corner.

I think about all the time I waited to hear from Abu Dhabi, wondering if, or when, I would hear from them again.  In hindsight, I see now that I arrived at the perfect time.  Landing when I did allowed me a month to sightsee and get acclimated to the new culture, and it allowed for a period of adjustment free from the stress of work.

And . . .

The temperature was 111 at 2:45 as I was leaving work today.  When I arrived in this country in late November, it was a high of about 75 degrees for the first three months.  That was heavenly.  This is HOT!  It would have been so much harder adjusting with this blazing heat.  It's 7:30pm and it has cooled down to 102!

I could go on and on about how things have worked out for the best, but I'm sure you get my drift.

I hope that by reading this you'll be encouraged to keep working toward your dreams, no matter the setbacks.  I heard someone say recently that your setbacks should be thought of as setups . . . setting you up for something greater.

If it happened for me, it can happen for you, too.

Sending good thoughts your way . . . always.

Your blogging buddy

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

This is the name of Steve Harvey's book and the newly released movie based on it. I read the book and can't wait to see the movie.

Side note - The movie, The Avengers opened here last week, the same day as in the US.  I have absolutely no desire to see it, and can pretty much guarantee that I won't be trekking to the theater for this one.  I wished the powers that be had asked me which movie to release first.  The Avengers would have been way down the list.

Now, back to the book/movie.

I've got the second half of that title down pat - there's no doubt - I think like a guy. I'm sure this is due in large part to being raised in a household with three brothers, and no sisters.

The first part, acting like a lady, is what I'm always working on.

For years, I was Mom and Dad to my boys.  As such, I felt that I had to be tough to keep them in line.  Although many folks raise wonderful kids without going that route, this was the journey I chose, for better or worse.

I found it hard turning off the toughness, so I tended to be rough around the edges all the time.

Nothing ladylike about that.

One of these days I'm going to query Ben and Frankie about their take on the whole "growing up" experience.  I'm guessing it's still pretty fresh in their minds.  To be safe, I think I'll wait a few more years to get their thoughts on the matter. I'll probably wait until after they've experienced fatherhood for a while.  I'm guessing that will help soften their thinking, although I still think therapy would be helpful for all of us.

Anyway . . .

I feel so fortunate to have had my brothers' guidance in the matters of the heart. Forrest was especially helpful because he could always cut to the chase and read someone faster than they could say their name.  Nine times out of ten, he was right on the money, too.  As a result of his guidance in dealing with guys, I was able to navigate those waters pretty well.  Some might say too well, as it's been more than a decade since my last date.

Pick up your jaw up off the table.  It's all good.

Maybe I'll go into more details later, but at the very least, it's a few lines in a posting for another day.

I didn't/don't like typical girlie things, like shopping and hanging out with other girls.  I was always much more comfortable with guys.  I'd take an afternoon of roughhousing with guys any day over the cattiness that is too often present with a group of women get together.

So, I continue to work on softening my edges and acting like a lady, so that the number of folks I scare, gets smaller and smaller every day.

Of course, I'm always ready to blast anyone who rubs me the wrong way, but as I get older, I'm blasting less and less.

It's nice to know old age is good for something.

Surfin' UAE!

Smack dab in the middle of the desert, is a dazzling water park.

Entrance to the waterpark

Surfing pool with waves every 90 seconds

Yep.  A water park that provides surfing, white water rafting, kayaking, and an airpark, which includes a high rope course, zip lines, and a climbing wall.

This park was three years in the making and just opened this past January.  A recent article in one of the local magazines, notes that it has three world-class white water rafting and kayak runs, and a surf pool with waves generated every 90 seconds.  Most impressive of all is the water, all 5,000,000 gallons to it, that is pumped from 70 miles away!

High-rope course of the Airpark

I had been hearing about this oasis in the desert and was bound and determined to find it.  I left home early in the day and tried to locate it, but my GPS coordinates were off.  At sunset, I decided to try again, and this time I had no problem, and drove right to it.

Guys in rafts.  One has bit the dust.

It's nestled in the side of our mountain, Jebel Hafeet, and it provides breathtaking views of the mountain, up close.

Nestled next to Jebel Hafeet, our majestic mountain

It seems to be a well-kept secret.  There were only about a dozen folks there. Considering how many ex-pats there are here, I expected large crowds.

I continue to marvel at the opulence and extravagance of this great nation.

Enjoy the pictures of my Wadi Adventure.

Rafters near the Airpark

Climbing Wall

Refreshingly flowing water.  It was 108 today!

Side of tent made of grass

Typical bedouin sitting area

More sitting areas with
Jabel Hafeet in the background.

Salads

Yesterday was a tough day.

I was so busy I forgot to eat lunch and realized it when I got a headache.  That hunger headache evolved into a migraine, so I went to bed early to sleep it off.

Because I went to bed so early, I woke up early . . . at 3:00 in the morning.

I got up and read a few emails.

Yes, that's one of the first things I do when I wake up.

Yes.  I know that's strange, but I'm Ok with that.

I fell asleep again, only to be awaken by my alarm going off at its usual time - 5:00. I got up and turned it off, but fell asleep again, waking up this time at 6:30.

I get to school at 6:30, so this was going to be a late one.

I arrived at school at about 7:45.  I refused to rush at home getting ready or on the road driving.  I decided that I would get there when I got there.

Of course, being late is an extremely rare occurrence for me, so I wasn't overtaken with that Catholic guilt.

Thankfully, I made it through the day and left at a decent hour.

Today begins the weekend.

Side note - I'm still observing teachers and have completed 49 of the 75 I have to do.  I'm averaging at least five a day.  Truthfully, the visits are starting to blend together.  I liken it to buying a wedding dress.  They all start to look alike after a while.  For those teachers that I'm seeing for the first time, they want me to see everything that they do or have done, all year.  As a result, the scheduled half hour visits are lasting longer than expected for many of them.

True confessions -

I'm not fond of the workweek starting on Sunday.  That is, until we get to Wednesday.  Then I start to like it a lot, knowing that Thursday at 2:00pm begins the weekend.

Moving on -

Very recently, I was grocery shopping at the store with the best fruits and vegetables, when I saw a ready-made garden salad.  It's rare to find them.  It looked good, so I bought it, along with some dressing.

True confessions 2 -

I can't remember the last time I had a salad.

I don't know if it was because it had been forever since I'd eaten one, but this one was mouthwateringly delicious.  I went back to the store today and bought three more.

True confessions 3 -

I'm still working on doing things in moderation.  When I like something, I tend to eat it, use it, etc., for months.  Then when I can't stand to see it again, I move on to something else.

For example -

I ate fried rice for lunch and dinner for six months during my last year or so in Sacramento.  When I was feeling sluggish for weeks, I went to the doctor for a checkup, and discovered I was seriously anemic.  He asked what I'd been eating, and when I mentioned my rice diet, he strongly suggested that I add some variety.

I try, but old habits are tough to break.

Moving on . . . again -

It's almost 11:00 at night.  Where did the time go?

My plans for tomorrow is to do what I always do on Fridays . . . sleep in and wear my pj's all day.

What about you?

Whatever it is, have fun.

Life is too short for anything else.

Small-minded People

Have you ever dealt with a small-minded person who is in a position of power? Always feeling the need to make themselves look bigger by putting other people down.

This is especially hard to watch when you feel helpless to do anything about it.

What is it about human nature that causes downtrodden people, when circumstances change for the better for them, to treat others in the same awful way they were being treated?

I suppose it's the same phenomena that causes folks who have been abused, to turn around and become the abuser.

In schools, we see the kids who were bullied, oftentimes turn into bullies themselves.

The real danger, though, is when these folks reach positions of power.  Usually, they wield it with an iron fist, insisting on standards of behavior that they themselves don't/can't adhere to.

My heart aches witnessing folks doing their best, never being recognized for the good they do, only being recognized for what is wrong, by these small-minded people.

I know what it feels like to have folks in your world who are never satisfied with anything that you do.  After years of trying to please them, you finally realize that if everything was in place, they'd still find fault with something.

Thankfully, I learned to recognize their small-mindedness for what it was, and move on.  I was fortunate.  Not everyone has that option to physically move.

So to anyone who has had to endure experiences with a narrow-minded thinker, rejoice knowing that you know who and what you're dealing with, and that their opinion of you doesn't have to have any bearing on your future successes, other than maybe propelling you forward to proved to them how wrong they were.

I love proving people wrong.  In a nice way, of course.

You?

Quickie

It's late.  I have homework to do and you know how much I look forward to that.

Actually, I got home a couple of hours ago, settled in, and thought about doing it, but got on my computer instead.

You know, checking emails, following links found in the emails, catching up on world affairs, etc.

Basically, stalling.

Procrastinating.

Putting off the inevitable.

Why do we (OK, I) do this?  It's so much easier just to do the thing we're putting off, and yet . . .

Side note - The elevators here list the first floor as the ground floor, making the second floor the first.  Why is that?

Side note - A picture of a really fancy Starbucks located in a mall in Dubai.

OK.

Enough is enough.

I really have to go now.

No more stalling.

Good morning to you.  Good night to me.

School Assemblies

We have two assemblies everyday.  One at 7:00am for the boys, and the other at 7:45 for the girls.

Remember, although we're considered a co-ed school, the boys and girls are never together.  At all.  It is totally forbidden.

The students stand in rows with each class representing a row.  Remember too, this is a large school.  There're over 400 boys and more than 600 girls.  So, we have rows and rows of rows.

Couldn't resist that silly sentence.

These assemblies take place in one of the courtyards.  The support teachers lead the students in prayers, and songs, including the national anthem.  This is the time when staff and students are recognized.

Ninety-nine percent of the activities are in Arabic, so the Western teachers and I are at a disadvantage, especially when awards are given out.  We're never quite sure what they're for or why the particular students were chosen.

There is live music, too.  Most times, students are playing the instruments - keyboards, xylophone and drums.

If you listen really closely at about 8:00pm Pacific time, there is no doubt in my mind, you'll be able to hear the music.  It is played RIDICULOUSLY LOUD.  I feel bad for the classes that stand closest to the speakers.  I know their ears are ringing for the rest of the day.  Turning it down is not an option.  It's an uphill cultural battle.

This CRAZY, LOUD music is played during lunchtime, too.  And they wonder why the kids are bouncing off the walls.  They bouncing in time with the music.

Maybe.  Just maybe.  The music is not that loud, but my hearing is just super sensitive as I've gotten older.  Either way, one of my goals for the year is to turn the music down.

Way down.

Wish me luck.

Hot! Hot! Hot!

When I ventured out this morning, I was taken aback by how warm hot it was outside.  My guess that it was near triple digits was confirmed by my weather app. It was 103.  Every day this week will be over 100, with the highest expected to be 106.

Can't say I'm looking forward to this.

It's times like these that we really thank God for air conditioning in every building and in Luther (my car).

I'm told it hovers around 120 the month of July.  My plan is to be far, far away.

Thankfully, once I enter my school building, I don't go outside again until I'm leaving for home.  Actually, when I don't feel like taking the long route through the building, I can cut across the courtyard.  In this heat, the long way will seem like a breeze compared to the oven outdoors.

Random thoughts -

Homes/apartments/villas do not have dishwashers or closets.  You can find closets, but I've yet to see a dishwasher.  Most folks have maids/nannies/cooks, and I'm guessing they take care of the dishes.

You can't find a crock pot either.  I've considered getting one from the US, but I fear the electrical outlet difference would be an issue.  Some things work great with adaptors, others don't.

Interestingly, you can find all kinds of deep fryers.  Who knew there was a market for that?

A cool thing  . . .

Every time there is activity on my bank cards, I get an instant text message, saying what occurred and where it happened.  For example, if I buy a coffee at Starbucks, it will say "Your card ending in XXXX was used at Starbucks in Al Jimi Mall."  There is also a message letting me know when there is a direct deposit.  Great service!

I very recently figured out how to use my washer/dryer combo where it doesn't take three or four hours to complete a load.  There is a 30 minute option that washes only.  I then hang up the clothes and they're dried in no time.  This discovery was made when I read the manual.

Note to self . . . read manuals FIRST.

I'm tickled pink . . .

About a new iPhone app.  It's called "SayHi."  When you speak, it translates what you say, verbally and in writing.  It's new and didn't have Arabic.  I updated it a day or so later, and you guessed it, they had added it.  I can't wait to try it with my Arab sisters tomorrow.

Two more apps I love . . .

PackingPro which list all of the things you need to travel with and things you need to do before you leave.  You can check them off as you get things done.

Skyscanner shows you flight costs to dozens of cities around the world on one page.

OK.  One more.

World Clock.  Shows the time around the world.  When it's night time, that part of the map is shaded; when it's daytime, it's not.  I'm contacting folks in three different time zones back home, so this helps me keep track.

I have a reference letter/form to fill out for one of my teachers, so I'd better get to it. It's that time of the school year when folks are making plans for next year.

So . . . Here's wishing you a great day.

Good morning to you.  Good night to me.

Online Dating

No.  No.  No.

Not doing it.

Tried it.

For a minute.

OK.  For six weeks.

But I stuck with it five weeks too long.

Getting home, reading and responding to guys, trying to figure out how much of what I was reading was pure, unadulterated fiction . . . felt like homework.

I never liked homework.

So . . .

What are the options for a single, hot (as in hot flashes), woman to do?

Enjoy being single.

Toxic Relationships

My brother Forrest and I have just had a long, and textured conversation about toxic relationships.

What makes a relationship toxic?

Why do we sometimes stay involved with folks that we know are not good for us?

Why is it that we as parents have to guard against toxicity when dealing with our kids?  Shouldn't we be the last ones who would bring harm to our own?

Is their a difference in how we deal with toxic family members versus the way we deal with toxic friends? Is it the fact that we can ditch a friend, but we're stuck with family?

Why do we stick around though, for those we absolutely know are not good for us?

What makes us feel the need to entertain these people?

Once we have the courage to get rid of him/her/them, what do we do to ensure we're not ensnared in that web again?  Or does it become a vicious cycle of going from one toxic relationship to another?  Let's hope not.

I was in one for over twenty years.  

Why did I stay?

Because I wanted the best for my boys.

And I was willing to deal with the nonsense to make life better for them.

Or so I told myself.

Because in reality, kids suffer too, when adults are in difficult relationships.

And then, how does that affect their relationships with others?

OK.  OK.  I'm circling the wagons again.

I'll stop so you can get off.

Girls Taking a Stand

We should follow their lead.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/23/irum-khan-muslim-teen-hijab-football_n_1445644.html

Changes

When I opened up my blog page yesterday, there was a "new and improved" look. The thing is, I was really happy with the old look.  I knew where everything was.  I knew how to access it to make changes, etc.

Now, I'm searching.

I don't like to search.

This reminds of Target.  I loved shopping there, but until the major remodel, all of their stores were set up differently.  So, that meant searching for stuff every time I walked in a different one.

Isn't it funny how I can make a total change in my life - retiring and moving half way around the world - and that didn't bother me?

But changes in my blog page . . . that bothered me.

Why is that?

Why is it that the big changes in our lives are often easier to "swallow" and adjust to, than the little changes that we make a big deal of, that really shouldn't matter?

If someone has an answer, please share.

Side note - Have you ever known someone that lived on the edge of reality?  When they spoke, their conversations was a little . . . off?

I'm not talking about those who are mentally challenged.  I'm talking about "average Joe Blow" folks we may interact with every day.

They just see and deal with the world differently.

Not better or worse.  Just differently.

How should we respond to them?

Do we emulate them, or shun them?  Or something in between?

How do we deal with that person if he/she is related to us?

Do you make excuses for them?

Do you spend time defending them or trying to justify their behavior?

If so, why?

Is it because we feel sorry for them?  Or are we trying to understand them and think everyone else should give them the benefit of doubt?

What if these folks are "knocking on 60's" door?

Do we deal with them differently than someone who is "knocking on 30"s door?

Are we less patient with the older person?

Don't we expect more because they're older?

Is that fair, though?

Clearly, something is off kilter.

Shouldn't that count when we're passing judgement?

So many questions, and not nearly enough answers.

Al Ain Zoo

Today I was on a mission to visit the zoo.

Not sure why.

OK.  Yes I know why.

I had work to do and wanted to postpone it as long as possible.

Anyway.  These are some pictures from my walk on the wild side.

Enjoy.